Changing Men

Reporter: Janine Cohen

Broadcast: 25/02/2008

"You sort of go to hell in fractions of an inch" – Alex on his descent into violence.

"You can’t do this to me, you can’t throw things at me, you can’t push me, you can’t hit me, you can’t drive the car off the road and threaten to kill me any more" – Krissy stands her ground.

One in five Australian women – perhaps your workmate, or your neighbour or your friend – knows the humiliation and terror of domestic violence.

And every five days, on average, a woman is killed by her partner.

Jailing the man is the only response to the most vicious cases. Frequently a woman’s only option is to remove herself and her children from the abuser.

But is there another way to tackle domestic violence? Is it possible for violent men to unlearn their behaviour?

Across Australia hundreds of men are now fronting new voluntary programs which are claiming modest success in changing their ways. The men are challenged to own up to their abuse and its dire impact on their families, then to find better ways to communicate and modify their controlling behaviour.

Four Corners films three men – each at a different stage on the scale of abuse – over six months as they enter voluntary programs in a bid to remake themselves and save their relationships…

Father of two Andrew had never hit his wife Roxanne but it was just a matter of time. He obsessively controlled the minutiae of her life – who she saw, what she wore, what she spent. "He wouldn’t let me out of the house and it got really scary," says Roxanne, who never quite managed to leave. But it was trouble at work, not at home, that finally spurred him to seek help.

Adam joined the same men’s group as Andrew. He is a successful businessman with a long history of physical violence, especially against partner Krissy. His emotional control led to her growing social isolation. He punched and kicked her and threw things at her, knocking her unconscious. Once, after finding a leftover chip packet on the sofa, he flew into a frenzy of rage and tried to choke her.

Alex is a 120-kilogram former blacksmith with a mind as intimidating as his physique. When his wife Margaret was eight and a half months pregnant he hit her with a winch handle. He can’t remember the time he gave her a black eye to take to her father’s funeral. Eventually she left with their young son. Alex now wants to change himself - and win them back.

As Four Corners discovers, the three men fare very differently after they sign up to their behaviour change programs.

While these voluntary programs generally claim to help men who really want to change themselves, surprisingly no one has bothered to measure