Terrence Real

Most men are depressed. Many of them don't even know it. Sexism and the Patrix are part of the problem. Talk about stuff! Tell your stories! Don't keep it in. Don't hide emotion.

Way back in July or something I listened to the audio edition of “I Don’t Want to Talk About It: The Hidden Legacy of Male Depression" - a book by psychotherapist Terrence Real, recommended to my by my friends Jorge and Dave.

He asserts, as I’ve long believed, that a majority of men in the US have depression. But unlike the overt depression we hear about that goes with suicide attempts and the like, Real proposes that most men have what he calls covert depression - a condition of which they’re not even aware, yet which can often manifest in addictive behavior and a general dissatisfaction with life/self.

Lately I’ve been thinking about myself, and the people around me, and have realized that addictive behavior is rampant in our culture. Almost anything can be used addictively - whether it be alcohol, TV, Facebook, athletics, or even spirituality and love. I list these examples because they’re forms of addiction which I’ve personally experienced or witnessed.

I was super into the book, and all the case studies. But I forgot to tell other people about because the book just peters out. The premise is bulletproof, but Real focuses more on the academic side of things that the DIY/handbook aspect of things - so I didn’t actually find the piece that helpful for identifying next steps for myself or those I support.

It got me asking the question again - why are most US americans [the community with which I’m most familiar] depressed and addicted? It brought me back to my sustainable living class with John Gerber at UMass Amherest. Gerber proposed that we’re more interconnected than we are separate. In other words, we can’t be healthy if our community or planet isn’t healthy. It’s a theme echoed by Charles Eisenstein.

I’d say that I’ve experienced this to be my truth as well. I do my best to take care of myself, but if I’m ever truly going to be healthy, the world’s going to need to be healthy as well. Maybe this is why Real didn’t address the bigger picture - it’s pretty daunting.

I have identified one leverage point for these issues: our culture prefers externally-derived self-esteem to internally-generated self-esteem. Until people make this personal shift, we’re going to keep being addicted - filling that hole with things that can’t fit.… (altro)