Pamela Madsen

I was so disconnected from Madsen for the bulk of this book because she kept insisting that she loved her husband and yet she kept him at an unforgivable distance for months while she wrestled with her sexuality and her desires. I would have been entirely in her corner, cheering her journey on, if she hadn't kept inventing reasons not to tell her husband anything. Nothing. Not a word.

Sexual fidelity isn't important to me, never has been- but honesty is non-negotiable in any significant relationship I enter into, and reading about dishonesty mixed with elaborate protestations of love and grandiose rationalizations about the difference between healing sexual touch and sexual fidelity feels unclean. I found myself walking away from this book a number of times, but I kept coming back to see if she'd finally bite the bullet and fess up to her husband. Which (is this a spoiler?) she finally did at practically the very end. And he rose to the occasion with dignity and loving acceptance and none of the things she was sure he'd say were said.

Aside from this huge, glaring issue that I understand is MY hang-up and not hers, it was interesting to read about how organizations like the Body Electric work, and remarkable to be almost present for some of her Sacred Intimacy sessions. It was also pretty harrowing to read some of Madsen's mother's remarks about Madsen's body, toxic shaming garbage. That was a nice jumping off point for her to explore some of her body image issues, and her journey to healing around that was the most powerful part of the book for me. The other thing that leaped out at me was how much dough she had to have lying around to be able to go to $300 Sacred Intimacy sessions every couple of weeks, buy $400 corsets & bags full of sex toys and fly to week-long seminars at every opportunity. And her husband didn't notice this cash outlay? See, I'm back on the lying thing. Which truly did ruin the book for me, in every way that matters.
… (altro)