Mark Larson

Since it was assigned to me in the Go Review That Book! group recently, I have re-read my copy of The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods. The Mullet is a coffee table-type book that pays tribute to the hairstyle that rocked the 80’s – (you guessed it) the mullet. This “business in the front, party in the back” ‘do was donned by many of us during this period of our lives. Those who still sport it are…well…bitchin’. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the only thing that improves on a mullet is the mullet/’tache combination. That combo is unstoppable.

The Mullet is a good attempt at conveying the mulletude of those who take a bi-level approach to coiffure. It begins with a history of the mullet and talks about its ancestry back to the Egyptians and even Neanderthal man. It follows that with various sections including a comic lead by a new superhero, (yes, you guessed it again) Mulletman!

My favorite sections of the book are: Celebrity Scalps, The Mall of Fame, and Aerodynamics of the Mullet. Celebrity Scalps shows snapshots of famous people who have sported the mullet including Paul McCartney, Lou Reed, Andre Agassi, Michael Bolton, Mel Gibson, Patrick Swayze, Eddie Murphy, Rev. Al Sharpton, and more. These photos are priceless.

The Mall of Fame provides drawings of “Mullet archetypes from which almost all other Mullets derive.” This is my favorite section of the book. For each drawing, it gives that style’s other names (“A.K.A.”), a description, celebs who sported this look, and another related comedic bit.

For example:

The Midwest Metal

A.K.A. the Scorpion, the Bitchin’ Vixen, the Hello Cleveland!

The Free Bird of Planet Coiffure. From the rock halls to the mega-malls, this ‘do is de rigeur. Best breeding grounds: truck stops, pool halls, rock clubs, body shops.

Vital accessories: Mirror shades, Muscle T-shirt, Gatorade, Velcro hi-tops, Satanic tats, pink guitar.

We’re not worthy: Joe Elliot (Def Leppard), Dave Mustaine (Megadeth), Frank Beard (ZZ Top)

The Aerodynamics of the Mullet is simply a two page blueprint diagram of a head with a mullet facing a headwind. It shows how the “backdraft” and “flow” of the air glides over the mullet. It also shows the “bi-level division” on the side and the “full extension” of the long hair in the back. To see this as a poster would be HILARIOUS.

These three sections are excellent and warrant the 3.5 stars I’ve given the book. I’ve looked at this book at least 15 times in the eight years since it was released and I always go straight to those sections. Beyond those, the rest of it is just mediocre and, quite frankly, not worth your time unless it’s your first time reading it.

If you’re a fan of the mullet, pick up The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods at your local library. It’ll take you a few minutes to read through it and you’ll laugh at least 3 or 4 times. You’ll also blast your favorite Motley Crue CD on the drive home.… (altro)