Gary EzzoRecensioni

I tried to read this book, mainly so I could argue against it intelligently. I couldn't finish it. The first part of the book really wasn't that bad, but when I read the sentence that stated that babies *could not* be happy without using this method, I had to stop reading. Using absolute statements such as that tell me that the author is rigid and close-minded, and I won't read anything, no matter the subject or POV, with that kind of stance. My children were both raised using child-led timing, such as nursing on demand. My older son has Asperger's Syndrome, as well as other special needs that were not diagnosable at a young age, and forcing him to adhere to a rigid schedule and sleep alone while crying it out, would have been cruel and detrimental to his mental and emotional health. Frankly, I think leaving any baby to cry in a bed alone is cruel, but that's just me.

We tried to utilize the principles in this book with our newborn, and it totally steered us in the wrong direction. If you're breastfeeding, this book doesn't apply. The book recommends feeding every 3 hours, and that's not enough. Our baby wasn't thriving until we started feeding him more often (every 2 hours, or so, basically every time he cried at all). Our doctor told us at about week 3 that he should be eating about 12 times a day.

For the past two months, I have been observing an increasingly distressed mom enslaved to the implementation of this approach with her newborn (now 2.5 months old). After observing the infant silently staring blankly into space with a furrow on his brow and a pacifier in his mouth after a half hour of his mom's efforts to try to help him self-soothe, I finally read the book. It is now clear to me why the mother has been not only afraid, but resistant, to the suggestion that her baby might need another feeding, or perhaps it would be best just to put him in the baby wrap, i.e., to listen to her baby's needs and deviate from the routine. She does not want him to develop bad habits, and she knows he is not hungry (it has not yet been 2 1/2 hours!). While flexibility is "encouraged" in the implementation of this method, it should always be minimal and only temporary in order not to deviate from the recommended cycle for too long. After all, it is much harder to break a bad routine than to start a good one in the first place. It is only 70% of the way through the book that the authors finally say that if a baby will not sleep or is fussy when going to sleep, it may be because he is hungry and needs another feeding (albeit reminding the mother that it must only be an occasional exception). How many busy mothers are trying to implement the first 70% of the book and don't even get to those suggestions? The newborn in question was just recently diagnosed with tongue and lip tie. The recommendation for babies with tongue tie is to feed them at more frequent intervals, in fact on cue, as is the AAP recommendation for any baby for at least the first three to four months. Add to this the fact that the baby was premature, needed additional oxygen support, has only one kidney, and was recently diagnosed as sleep deprived (most likely as a result of trying to implement this method). The mother should never have been encouraged to sleep train. The book should have age-appropriate and wellness warnings from the outset to encourage moms who have special needs babies to find additional support and to be more responsive to their babies. That said, I wouldn't recommend it for a full-term healthy baby, either, having observed the damage that can be done. This book may be effective for individuals who apply the basic principles with a heavy dose of common sense. But the book's presentation is legalistic, and manipulative ("but the Babywise parent/baby", promising exceptional results and pitting Babywise against any other approach), and puts inexperienced, tired moms who want to do what is best for their child (or want to get a good night of sleep for themselves - it doesn't seem to care much about the child) at risk of harming their babies. This book does not demonstrate empathy or compassion toward the newborn child. It does not encourage parents to demonstrate sacrificial love and affection for their children by responding to their needs. It is a parent-centered approach concerned primarily with the comfort of the mom. And which new mom doesn't long for the comfort of a good night of sleep? It is a wooden and legalistic approach that squelches any instinctual, common-sense, parental nurture and responsiveness. While the authors make many valid, generally known, correct observations and suggestions, the authors' approach lacks the support of convincing, documented research. My impression is that it is a naturalistic and a behavioristic approach that only takes into account the physical and emotional needs of the infant as an exception. And when listening to the needs of the infant is encouraged, it is in a mechanical, programmed, unnatural, and limited way.½

This book has an interesting tone. It phases in and out of being slightly apologetic and slightly defensive about the crying it out mantra, which, currently, has a bad rap. His slight jabs at attachment theory were regularly spaced between updated sections on c-sections and how to weed out Lactation Consultants.

He also alternates between a tone of concern for the mother and concern for the child but, ultimately decides that being right is more important than either concern. Unfortunately, he has few stats to back up his claims and only some stories. There was some good information--He's definitely more interested in the whole picture instead of the "5 S's"

I suppose I'm slightly biased against it because the person who recommended it to me said that they once had a baby that they let cry for an hour before it went to sleep. An hour! Poor tortured thing. As it is, there has to be a better, more centered ground between hypothetical, old-fashioned tradtion(this), Story-centered research (Karp) and boring statistical papers on the subject. I'm just not sure where to find it.

Edit/Update around 7/2020:

Have you ever read the Wikipedia page on this book? Worth a look.

Some good, some bad.

This was my first real "baby book" so it's hard to compare to others. Some of the information seemed obvious, but other bits were very informative. I'm interested to see this process actually done in real-life.

Overall, it seemed the message was develop a schedule for you and your baby and keep to it...but don't necessarily be rigid about it.

I never knew that having a baby would plunge me into a feud between two camps holding wildly different philosophies on childcare. There are so many voices out there, each claiming to know the very best way to raise a healthy, happy baby, and of course they all contradict one another. Babywise, a seemingly innocuous book on feeding and sleeping patterns, is at the heart of this debate.

Babywise promotes Parent-Directed Feeding (PDF), which the authors differentiate from hyperscheduling (feeding the baby on a strict timeline, regardless of hunger cues) and attachment parenting/La Leche League doctrine (feeding the baby constantly and trying to reestablish the theoretical emotional bond that was broken at birth). PDF pushes a "feed-wake-sleep" pattern and certainly leans more to the scheduling side of the argument. It does allow some flexibility if the baby seems hungry before the next feeding is planned. The goal of PDF is to get the baby sleeping through the night at an early age, thereby easing the burden on the mother.

The core of Babywise is this: according to the study done on 520 babies given this treatment, an outstanding number were sleeping through the night by 12 weeks or earlier. This sounds almost too good to be true, but apparently the "secret" is to organize baby's time into a predictable "feed-wake-sleep" pattern. That way the baby's best energy is present for the feeding, which should help ensure the feeding is a full one. Then follows burping/diapering and any play/awake time, then sleep again. (Only, I'm finding this rather hard to do. How do you MAKE a baby follow this pattern?)

And now for the controversy. Critics of PDF are outspoken. My usually mild lactation consultant became very defensive when I asked her opinion on it, and said that it teaches your baby not to trust you and also (more to the point, in my mind) that it will kill breastfeeding moms' milk production very quickly. Oy. I agree that Babywise's treatment of breastfeeding is weak. The authors basically say, "don't worry, the baby will know what to do" which is demonstrably false. Also, I believe my lactation consultant is right that if you are constantly merging feedings to minimize the number of times you nurse (and especially if you eliminate the night feeding altogether), you'll lose your milk production and the baby will end up weaned way too early. The authors briefly mention that going long stretches at night without breastfeeding might decrease the mother's supply and suggest not dropping the late-night feeding (around 11 or midnight) to circumvent this problem.

While I completely agree with the authors' critical stance toward the unsupported Freudian theory of birth trauma (which arguably leads to the style of parenting called attachment parenting), some of their arguments reach too far. They say that birth, far from traumatizing the child, frees him/her from a highly restrictive environment. That's fine as far as it goes, but then they say that one of the restrictive aspects of that environment is that the baby cannot hear his parents' voices. This is untrue; babies in the womb do hear sounds and recognize their mother's voices upon birth, maybe also their fathers'.

Another point of the childcare controversy is co-sleeping. The Babywise authors are very much against it, while my breastfeeding Bible, The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Huggins, is for it. It's fascinating how each side brings studies and "facts" on co-sleeping to the table... which often contradict one another. We co-slept from necessity during the first two weeks, but moved our son to a bassinet as soon as we had ironed out the feeding issues. In general, he now sleeps beautifully at night with one 3am feeding.

One strength of this book is how the first chapter is all about the husband-wife relationship. The authors don't get too in-depth, but I love the point: baby will be loved best by his parents if they are committed first to loving (and expressing that love to) one another. The security of the marriage bond (which, by the way, is correctly defined here as between a man and a woman) is more reassuring to a child than parents who fly to address every whimper instantly. I appreciated the practical help he offers couples, with a list of common household tasks and responsibilities, with a column to fill in for who will do what. The authors make the point that on-demand feeding schedules and comfort nursing can make for an exhausted, stressed mother — and that does not help the baby.

While we are not following the Babywise method religiously due to the potential milk production issue, I think the suggestion of making sure every feeding is a full feeding is a helpful one. Because I have tried to do this from the beginning, we don't have much demand-feeding where the breast is offered for every cry the baby makes. My baby eats every three hours or so, with a longer stretch at night, and at two and a half months he's thriving.

Overall, many of the common-sense principles the Babywise method are helpful, but I would caution against reading this book as your sole source of baby knowledge. For breastfeeding information, it is not helpful at all (and may even cause problems). But honestly, from what I can tell both the PDF/Babywise advocates and attachment parenting advocates demonize the other side. My lactation consultant seemed to think PDF was a cruel practice of hyperscheduling, almost abusive, which the Babywise authors demonstrate it's not. And the Babywise authors seem to think mothers who breastfeed on demand are utterly exhausted, codependent, miserable zombies. From what I can tell, these are both extreme caricatures that miss the essence of the other side's argument.

I was telling my mother about this controversy and she was rather disgusted with both sides. In her mind, the answer is simple: "I had babies and I took care of them; I did whatever they needed." Sounds about right to me.½

I have been searching for a parenting book with a Christian biblical perspective for awhile and was happy when a friend of ours lent us her copy of this book. The principles in it are very easy to follow and again doesn't fall to the extreme ends of parenting styles. I appreciated that the book stressed the importance of maintaining our marriage and how much a healthy marriage can positively impact our child's life. The first third of the book discussed the psychology behind various parenting styles throughout history and the psychology major in me enjoyed that part very much. However, I could see non-psyc people not enjoying that part of the book, especially the data from various studies. What lacked in this book was more examples of the the practical stuff. I loved the theoretical stuff and was on-board with most of that, but I felt a little disconnect to the actual "how do I do this" part. Lastly, throughout the book, I believe the authors do a great job of integrating Scripture from the Bible and apply it parenting. I think the book could use more of that.

What a handy book for parents struggling with this whole potty training business. I like the Ezzos, because - while I don't agree with all of their parenting philosophy to the last idea - they have good ideas, practical strategies to apply, and just offer a place to start when you are stuck. This book, for instance, was a great help to me. We've been struggling with our daughter and potty training. She was showing some progress, and then after we went on a vacation she regressed and was doing worse than before.

In desperation, I turned to this book which a friend had loaned to me. It immediately made me feel better. They offer a simple strategy, which will be time consuming for a few days but should offer results. They also mention modifications for those parents, like me, who take things at a more casual pace. In addition, they state that you should not start the process when a big change is coming into your child's life, and since I'm about to deliver her little sister, I decided to wait until after the new one arrives to do the more intensive regime they recommend. So I'll update this review once we see how effectively the training works.

Basically, the book directs parents to start by changing their focus: instead of praising a child just for using the potty, praise them for staying clean and dry. Always clean and dry. That way, the child is focused on the overall goal of potty training, rather than the intermediate step of just using a potty. They also direct parents to use a doll or a teddy, and take the child step by step through the process with their toy, first, before repeating with the child. They have other suggestions, too, for things like rewards and the difference between bowel and bladder movements.

The Ezzos are very schedule-oriented, and my husband and I are not. I plan on adapting their ideas to suit our life, just as we adapted their sleeping strategies to fit our daughter. Their suggestions did really help her sleep through the night, and I'm expecting that these ideas will help her through this new stage in life.

I did not get all the way through this book by the time my wife gave birth to our twin daughters at 35 weeks and then I had no time to finish it really. I have used it since for some bits and pieces of information. The basic premise, that parents are in control and should neither adhere to a strict schedule or meet all of baby's demands instantly, makes sense but is a bit too idealized, especially for multiples. Mostly, it made me feel guilty that we could not live up to the ideals in the book, and scared of what the results will be. I have friends who swear by it, but our reality does not allow for following all the philosophies in the book. It is probably worth reading if you are interested in trying to be the perfect parent.½

This book was recommended to me by a friend. I read it with a skeptical eye at first, because I expected it to espouse the opposite of Attachment parenting, which from what I'd heard seemed to be exactly the style that would suit me.

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that in fact this book promotes the sane middle road between two extremes of parenting - balancing the needs of the baby with the needs of the parents to achieve harmony for all.

In many areas the parenting ideas promoted by this book were the ones I was practicing anyway, when I thought I was following attachment parenting. Once I realized this, I was more open to the principles discussed in the book, I gave some ideas that I hadn't considered before a try, and had success with them. And yes, my baby is now sleeping through the night.

I'm very glad to have read this book, and would recommend it to anyone with a young baby in the house.

The principles in this childrearing book make a lot of sense. 1) Give your toddler the freedoms he or she is ready for, but don't give out freedoms beyond what he or she can handle appropriately, explained using a funnel analogy. 2) You don't need all the latest parenting how-to's covering every possible situation. If you know your goals and some general principles, you can make day-to-day decisions with confidence.

I found the book a quick and worthwhile read, as I did the "Babywise" books before it. It's a refreshingly different approach to parenting. I have to admit though, that I would have liked to see some more examples of how their principles could be applied in specific situations. In particular, I wanted more discussion of how to determine which freedoms your child is or isn't ready for and how best to correct the situation when you guess wrong. I do recommend the book.

This is an amazing book for new parents. It teaches you how to sleep train your child in addition to other very helpful information.

The parent-directed feeding system seems to make sense for the most part, being presented as a flexible middle ground between the extremes of demand-feeding and hyperscheduling. The problems with this book are that it is poorly written and the authors engage in somewhat unprofessional-feeling salesmanship. The important information could have been presented more concisely in far fewer pages and the authors devote a lot of effort toward a sales pitch that arguably turns the extremes to which they contrast their system into straw men.

Absolutely priceless when raising a little one. If you're expecting or a new parent, this is a must read.

Absolutely priceless when raising a little one. If you're expecting or a new parent, this is a must read.

Following this book worked like a treat for me and by 13 weeks my daughter slept through the night from 7pm - 7am and has slept like this ever since…she even asks to go to bed for a day nap and at night. Then two years later I read it again as I had my second daughter and I can't for the life of me follow a routine in the same way I did the first time round, so in turn, my second daughter does not sleep through the night or nap very well either. They need to write a 'Wise with Baby and Toddler too'.

They are somewhat pompous in places; somewhat simplistic in others. I do accept the basic premise that families need to be child-oriented rather than child-centric. The book is very much focused on the first weeks and months.

From experience I can say that this book truly is a life saver. I am not vouching for Ezzo's character, or all of his ideas. I do know from experience that this is a great book! My baby slept through the night at two months! I have friends whose babies still wake up on into two years. That is not good for anyone. The methods do work, but you really do need to not be legalistic about their enforcement. Use it as a guide rather than a Bible!
I do recommend reading the book with wisdom and taking out of it what you feel comfortable with, and just not using the parts that you question. Isn't that the way we look at most books anyway?
Anyone who after reading this book thinks that it is okay to starve, neglect or beat their child has definitely not read it right. This book says nothing of the sort!! If you feel your child needs to be held, HOLD HIM!

practical parenting advice.½

This book saved me from certain insomnia! I was at my wits end when a friend suggested it and we're on the third book now and loving it! I think, as with all parenting books, you need to read and decide what works best for you, and the book even says that. There's a lot of flack out there for this series, but I can say as a parent of a child who would not sleep anywhere but ON me for the first 6 weeks, this works. My daughter slept through the night at 11 weeks (we started the book at week 6) and hasn't woken up since except if she was sick! Also, by "through the night" I mean 6p-6a!

This book was great! It helped us know how to schedule our babies, making for a much happier family!