A Blue So Dark takes an honest and often painful look at schizophrenia through a teenagers eyes. Aura Ambrose has to deal with what a lot of fifteen-year-olds have to deal with: divorced parents, a dad who's not around enough, tough friendships and a tricky relationship with her mother--but in Aura's case it's all compounded (if not caused) by the fact that her mother's a schizophrenic.

In her debut novel, Holly Schindler does a beautiful job portraying Aura's mother's illness, the isolation Aura feels in being the only one to deal with everything day to day, Aura's fear that she'll one day end up like her mother, and Aura's eventual need to ask for help.


This novel was the first book a long, long time that I've sat down and read in (almost) one sitting. I have to say almost only because I'd read the first even or so pages already and then I was going to read 50 pages or x many chapters but I got so engrossed in the story I ended up reading to the end. (It's a good thing it was a nice day outside where I was and my dog was behaving!)

The way that creativity was seen by Aura as a possible gateway to insanity was really, really interesting to me. I don't have any mental illness in my family, but I am creative so to try to think like Aura on that was different. (And I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for her to have-or think she had-that choice.)

The relationships between all of the characters were all very well written and developed--the bits of the past also helped you see more of who they were and I enjoyed that.

It was a beautiful story yes about a teenage girl whose mother has schizophrenia but it was also a beautiful story about a teenager who has too much on her plate and needed to learn how to manage it and accept help from others.

A Blue So Dark is a great read for teens and young adults (and adults, too, really) not only because it's an amazing book, but also because far too many people don't know about or understand schizophrenia and this book, while fiction, depicts it very well I think.





10/10 --and I so cannot wait for Playing Hurt even if it's a totally different genre, I think I love Holly Schindler's writing ( )

3.5 ( )

My first trip to a library again after ten years of not being in one resulted in a fantastic first read. This book is a far cry from the manga and other variety of books I’ve been reading so far, and I never imagined I would wander into the Young Adult section of my library and walk away with this beautifully covered book whose internal message and tale is so… intense and alluring. Considering this is the first novel ever written by Holly Schindler, there are only positive things that I have to say about this read! Literally everything about the story was appealing! …even the things that would turn most people off, scare them, or perhaps disgust them. *Smiles* Being someone with a lot of love for psychology in anything I’m experiencing, books and stories especially, I could really relate to the complex emotions and feelings that were carried over throughout this book.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning a bit, shall we? This is a book written about a middle school girl whose beautiful, artistic mother, eventually succumbs to schizophrenia. It’s a story of the struggle between a family that’s falling apart at the seams, a fear of a madness that might be tied into the main character’s shared passion with her mother—the love of art—and the way she lives a very normal, very relatable life even with all the chaos and challenges unique to her situation. Aura (the daughter and our main character) speaks to us in the first person throughout the novel, and it is a story that isn’t so much unusual as it is realistic. This is a life where the things that happen are all normal situations. School plays a huge role, and like it is for any teenager, it’s filled with harassment, stupid teachers who don’t have a clue what the heck is going on, drama that concerns Aura’s best friend, and more. On top of all of that, we have a family broken by a father that left them, and a mother who… is shockingly unreal.

It can be a scary thing… to have someone with a mental disorder like schizophrenia before you. No matter your age, or your experiences with things like that… it’s a situation that can shock you into a world that you realize was so completely normal before you found someone who cannot abide by its rules—regardless their efforts. Having been a Psychology major, I’ve had the chance to study abnormal psychology before, concerning mental disorders. *Shakes her head* When you see firsthand the footage and studies about schizophrenia, you begin to realize just how sad and life-changing the situation can be. Especially when, like in A Blue So Dark, the schizophrenic tries their best to live life normally without medical help and isn’t able to. Some can! …sometimes they can’t. And that’s where things begin to fall apart.

Although Holly Schindler said she had no personal experience with schizophrenia, and though she mentioned she did research it, I was actually shocked to find she had no actual experience with the disorder! The way she wrote, I kept insisting to my friend and family members that I could see the accurate depiction of what someone with schizophrenia would act like! She carried over everything perfectly in her novel! It was down to the finest detail in convincing me that she knew firsthand what someone with this condition would be like.

Schindler’s writing is not only down to earth, straight-shooting and delicious for its bold attitude, but the emotions are so much more real because they’re conveyed in that way. This brings the experiences of Aura to us all the more like slaps in the face, stabs in the heart, and gut-wrenching pitfalls as she has to deal with her sick mother endlessly. It’s a cruel, grueling, but liberating throe of emotions; one that few get to experience with the reality and clean-cut, leave-nothing-out prominence brought to us in A Blue So Dark. The richness given to our minds and hearts—and that shrouded part of us deeper than both: our very souls—is what makes this book majestic and gripping, like breathing and finding your voice again after being strangled and buried down under countless weights, deeper and deeper until you felt all you had left inside you are tears and screams.

Hope and liberty come to us hand-in-hand though, throughout the experience of this book. And it’s one I would recommend for everyone to go through. Maybe you will not understand it or feel as passionately moved by it. Maybe it’ll frighten you or evoke feelings of disgust that make you want to turn away. But for those of you who stick through and read on until the end, I know you’ll love the feeling of victory and peace you get from this book. It’s worth every horrible moment, every wild and mindless animalistic tear and cry. It’s a book like so few are writing or can ever present so properly, or so beautifully. For that, I recommend this book with the highest marks! Holly Schindler, you did a fantastic job. And I have only praise for you for this amazing read. Thank you, for this creation. It is a provoking piece I will always keep in my heart. ( )

This is one of the more intense books I've read lately. I was pulled in and held mesmerized throughout. The characters are so real, so broken and so translucent it was impossible to look away. Even when I wanted so much to look away.

Aura is given a lot to deal with here, her mother's descent into mental illness most notably. This book is the story of how Aura's life comes apart despite her best efforts. It's really well-done, it's really dark, it's a grueling read.

A few minor quibbles: I didn't quite buy the dad, even through a 15-year-old's filters. I don't think Schindler's been around too many real skateboarders, the "paint my board" thing was unlikely in the extreme since the top of boards are covered in sandpaper-like grip tape, and the bottoms get scraped clean of the factory designs in just hours.

Recommended, if you can take the darkness. ( )

I was first drawn to a A BLUE SO DARK by the amazing cover art; the color of the water and the positioning and detail of the title are perfect. I never could've imagined just how much I'd enjoy Holly Schindler's YA debut!

I've always had a preoccupation with abnormal psychology and two people I am very close to are artists, so I found the connection between schizophrenia and artistic temperments interesting. Though there are exceptions, I find that many artists honestly can be described as having an "artist's temperment;" I feel like those who are truly creative must share some common personality traits. Because of this, I could draw similarities between artists I know and Aura and her mother, allowing me to feel that much closer to the characters. The schizophrenia was an interesting element. Aura's fear that her creativity would overtake her and somehow cause her to become sick like her mother was almost tangible. On the outside looking in, it might be hard to understand Aura's logic and actions, but I felt like Schindler's writing enables the reader to transport themselves into Aura's world, into Aura herself, to truly understand her anxiety.

Aura's parents are divorced; her father is remarried to a much younger, must more "normal" woman and he is in the process of starting a new, shiny family. Even now, having finished the novel, I still feel angry when I think about Aura's father. I can understand and justify his leaving Aura's mother if he no longer loves her or can find happiness with her, but he has no right to leave Aura. You do not get to divorce your children. Ever. Most of the time, in YA literature, the child and parent work through their issues by the end of the novel, but this isn't the case with A BLUE SO DARK, and I can honestly say that I'm happy about that. I didn't feel like Aura's father deserved forgiveness.

Though there are many heavy aspects of this novel, there were lighter, brighter parts as well, like Aura's crush on a cute skater boy. This was a huge part of the novel, as expected, her mother's illness occupied much of Aura's time and energy, but I was greatful for the romantic reprieves. ( )