I actually DNF this which doesn't happen often.

I just didn't enjoy it or connect with the characters. ( )

I’ve never had a book move me to tears like this (in a totally amazing, good way).

“Was this what it was like for others? Was this what their crushes felt like? Their infatuations? How did they manage it, when it was intense?”

For years I’ve thought I’ve been on the ace spectrum somewhere, and Aodhan’s thoughts about his demisexuality just speak so deeply to me, and make me feel SEEN.

Thomas is also in so many ways relatable. There’s a story he has about learning something that is just… agh it’s how I feel all the time when I cook. And his stories about work are wonderful. And his endearments are just… so lovely. Love every one. And I love him standing up for himself, and how supportive Aodhan is. And his imposter syndrome (or at least shades of it) is just… ach, everything. Love both these boys! Their relationship is so wonderful. They’re wonderful. Love them.

Jodi and Jesse and Maria are amazing. I love all the side characters.

I love the theme of ‘heroes’ who aren’t heroes for everyone, even the people they’re supposedly helping. Even the marginalized can marginalize. We have so very many historical ‘heroes’ like that, and a book about that, particularly handled like this, is so welcome.

There’s a line Aodhan has about therapy that just HITS SO HARD I TELL THAT TO MY MOM ALL THE TIME T-T Aodhan just... encapsulates it in a single sentence. And it goes with a general theme of therapy being different for everyone and their needs and it’s overall just really, really great.

Iona is so depressingly relatable in so many ways. I have a friend who went through some incredibly horrible things who I wasn’t there for in any capacity, when I saw things and should have at least TRIED to be there. I wish I knew how to help them heal, and I hate that I make their pain about me, but the guilt just eats away, and it always will. And as we see… centering your own guilt, centering YOURSELF in someone else’s pain can end very badly. Obviously there’s far more to the story and it is written so wonderfully, but I can’t acknowledge that I love Iona’s characterization without pointing out the more negative aspects of it (that I still loved reading, this story is amazing, and I love how it discusses consent and privacy and respect, and how traumatizing crossing boundaries can be).

And the way Aodhan reacts to Hunter offering to be there for him are so hard and understandable and I just FEEL Hunter’s pain. I’ve missed out on so much in my friend’s lives by just being obtuse and I never what to say or offer, and I’m sure I’m just the maybe friend no one ever thinks to reach out to, ever, not because my friends are mean, but because that’s just never who I presented myself as. And if I ever confronted people about it, the way Aodhan reacts is how they would react. I’m here, and I’d love to be there for people, but that’s not the kind of relationship we’ve ever had, and honestly I’m just terrible when I try (although Hunter is far, far better than I’ve ever been). It’s painful and so accurate here. EVERYTHING about Hunter’s story is amazing.

Absolutely wonderful book. Adore it. Great follow-up to “Blackwood”. I am so excited for Hunter’s book!!!! I can’t wait!!! ( )