I was expecting this to be about gatherings with friends, but was surprised to see a much wider view of adding value to get togethers in any setting. I found myself thinking of ways I could incorporate the 15 Toasts or specific rules to some of the work events I plan. I loved the idea of making people step out of their comfort zones in order to be vulnerable and make deeper connections. Her attitude can be jarring at time as she suggests shaking things up, but I can see how successful it could be. ( )

Priya Parker does gatherings and meetings for a living; she distills her wisdom in The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. She discusses each aspect of a meeting, from planning to introductions to guest management to the closing.

Much of what she says represent things we should know but do not always apply to gatherings and meetings. The quality of the gathering or meeting is determined in the preparatory phase. Think about the gathering or meeting in terms of the experience of those participating. Find creative ways to get participants to engage with one another. Odds are whatever you don’t actively plan or manage will fall apart or flat. Remember the purpose of the gathering or meeting and make sure everything supports that purpose.

Parker also helpfully reframes many aspects of gatherings and meetings for us. She encourages hosts to leverage “generous authority”: by virtue of being the host, they do have a position of authority in the gathering, and acting as if they shouldn’t is really an abdication and often leads to confusion. “Generous” is an important caveat, for the authority should not come across as controlling. She praises the virtue of defining specific guest/participant lists for specific events: we often want to be more welcoming in a lot of events, but bringing more people in can lead to a complete vibe shift or disrupts the flow of the event entirely. No one remembers meetings in which there is no “heat” or grappling with difficulties or disagreements. Don’t start or end with logistics; logistics should be penultimate, and done as creatively as possible. Be intentional with creating a different space for the event and have clearly defined beginnings and endings. Try to make it so that guests or participants will not try to present their best selves and make it all about puffery; find ways to make it real. Allowing an event to have its end is healthy but difficult.

There’s a lot of good wisdom here to consider for anyone active in hosting any kind of gathering. ( )

I'm too much in my comfort zone I think for this book to work for me as honestly most of the gatherings sounded horrifying to my hermit self. The author definitely doesn't take into account anyone's boundaries (if I ended up at a party where I was told that I'd have to sing a toast, I'd immediately walk out the door...), but the various gatherings she related definitely sounded different than the norm which was something. I did find it helpful when I was thinking about a work lunch gathering that our department had, and it made me think about how we set up the tables which was beneficial. It really does cover some interesting psychology for how people get together in spaces, but I think for me it was a lot and made me want to just stay at home (which is my default anyway). ( )

Some great ideas but much stronger for professional gatherings -- I don't feel like every personal gathering needs a deep, disputable purpose. For all that Parker disdains the term, sometimes people DO just want to hang out. ( )

With high hopes I asked for this title. But it disappointed. It's languished on my bedside for several weeks and doesn't call me to complete it. Sigh.

(Hint: If Brené Brown interviews a writer but doesn't say she loves the book, she may value the writer and appreciate the book content—but this is not the same thing as a wholehearted book endorsement.) ( )