Compassion and Self-Hate an Alternative to Despair

I really like some of the things said in Compassion and Self-Hate an Alternative to Despair. I.e. in chapter 3 about compassion:

"Most people, without full conscious awareness, have capitulated and surrendered to self-hate. The surrender has usually been so thorough and of such long standing that the combined self-hating modalities represent a way of life and are not perceived as self-hate at all. This includes even the most blatant forms of direct self-hate. The fact that fighting back is possible and that even victory is possible eludes most of us completely."

Poor Joan Jett: "I hate myself for loving you." Such a conundrum.

Compassion and Self-Hate an Alternative to Despair
For the touchstone

Joan Jett And The Blackhearts - I Hate Myself For Loving You

Midnight, gettin' uptight. Where are you?
You said you'd meet me, now it's quarter to two
I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you.

Hey, Jack, It's a fact they're talkin' in town.
I turn my back and you're messin' around.
I'm not really jealous, don't like lookin' like a clown.

I think of you every night and day.
You took my heart, then you took my pride away.

I hate myself for loving you.
Can't break free from the the things that you do.
I want to walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.

Daylight, spent the night without you.
But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do.
I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through.

Hey, man, bet you can treat me right.
You just don't know what you was missin' last night.
I want to see your face and say forget it just from spite.

I hate myself for loving you .
Can't break free from the the things that you do.
I want to walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.

I hate myself for loving you.
Can't break free from the things that you do.
I want to walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.

I think of you every night and day.
You took my heart, then you took my pride away.

I hate myself for loving you.
Can't break free from the the things that you do.
I want to walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.
I hate myself for loving you.
I hate myself for loving you.

(condensation

1. water that collects as droplets on a cold surface when humid air is in contact with it. synonyms: moisture, water droplets, steam "windows misty with condensation"

2. the conversion of a vapor or gas to a liquid. synonyms: precipitation, liquefaction, deliquescence "the condensation of the vapor")

condescension

1 :voluntary descent from one's rank or dignity in relations with an inferior

2 :patronizing attitude or behavior
scoffing condescension by the "we know better than you" people —A. J. Anderson

contemptuous

the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.
"he showed his contempt for his job by doing it very badly”

Synonyms: scorn, disdain, disrespect, derision; disgust, loathing, hatred, abhorrence

◦ disregard for something that should be taken into account.

gilroy, thank you for this feedback. I'm jumping in without knowing how things are done here yet.

Today, I can really appreciate this insight, Rubin writes about, starting on page 137:

"I remember one patient, Tim, who suffered from severe attacks of obsessive ruminating that would go on for hours, often preventing him from useful, let alone pleasurable, functioning.”

… "Fortunately, it did not take him long to realize that the substance of his ruminations had little importance or relevance.”

I am moved by and love this book. It helps me with love and intimacy. There's been so much hoopla about the concept of compassion, for many years. I'm learning about what that means. I am learning what humanitarianism means. It also was a concept I thought I should care about, but didn't really know how.

I am getting to know parts of myself that are diverse. Sometimes I need my own protection, even from parts of myself, that have good intentions. I also am becoming aware of when I have unrealistic expectations of myself.

Last weekend I had a lot of plans and felt tension about being so busy. One of the concepts in the book was helpful. "Giving up a pride position". Instead of expecting more from myself than I could handle, including wanting to look good, I wondered, "what if I'm just another bozo on the bus?" I left some events early, to give myself some breathing room. I was willing to show up, with my tension, limits and imperfection and I had a good experience.