Bruce PattonRecensioni

Unfortunately, the world is full of people who still think that negotiation is a strong-man game. The one who made the least concessions wins.

This is the most fundamental, basic book to break through that view. At this point, the information in here is old-hat if you're dealing with someone who's a professional negotiator (sales, arbitration, etc) but if you hate negotiating because you just see it as an arm-wrestling competition, this is a great book to get started changing that view.

Negotiation is a crucial life skill. For some, it’s inherent to being a part of society, especially with expensive purchases or haggling in open markets. For others (like lawyers), it composes a part of their professional skillset. Either way, most people can stand to benefit from learning more about the art of negotiation. Many negotiation guides seek to maximize gains by taking strong positions. However, as these authors point out, this strategy can hurt long-term relationships by hurting the well-being of one party. Instead, they suggest building negotiation around a mutual appreciation of fairness. This leaves relationships and reputations in tact while getting a satisfying result.

The authors make a couple of assumptions. First, most people are most afraid of being “taken” in a negotiation. They do not necessarily want to maximize their result, but rather, they mostly do not want to lose the negotiation. Second, fair standards can anchor a negotiation by framing it objectively in a proper ballpark. Instead of taking positions, parties are encouraged to do research to look for a fair result. While this decreases the likelihood of “winning big,” it increases the likelihood of a mutually satisfying agreement. (Thus, it decreases the likelihood of a “bad” agreement.)

With these goals in mind, the authors reframe the language around negotiation to help readers achieve these results. Ample examples from a variety of settings exist within this work. They coach how to deal with trying situations, like power differentials, difficult people, and adversarial tactics. They focus on long-term benefits from reputation and win-win relationships instead of just winning one contest.

Those who value the social fabric will appreciate this book’s approach. It’s goal is to get to “yes” – that is, to get to an agreement instead of dramatically maximizing the windfall. Obviously, not everyone will agree with this style of negotiation, but it has many benefits. Most of all, it encourages fairness and politeness without turning it into passivity. It’s good training (and therapy) to think through dealing with difficult negotiation tactics ahead of time. This sets the stage for real-life encounters. After reading this book, I look back on several big, past negotiations that I could have handled better. At least I’ll be more prepared for the next one.

Mostly common sense advice - easy to read about, hard to put into practice.

Lots of really great ideas in this book but it badly needs a revised edition. Some of the off hand examples are a little too “both sides”-y when it comes to domestic violence and racism. Those specific difficult conversations as it were demand more nuance than a couple of sentences each could possibly provide. In terms of content otherwise 5/5, leaving unrated.

Conflict management advice: Working out how to listen with curiosity to others’ perspectives by finding their story of how and why the conflict occurred; how to disentangle character/intent from impact (yours and theirs); how to recognize the importance of the parties’ feelings while not treating them as attributions of “who is really to blame”; and so on. Seems quite useful and quite difficult to commit to. Key principles: In a conflict, everyone makes a contribution, which is not the same as everyone being to blame, equally or otherwise. Resolving a conflict requires understanding the parties’ contribution, but does not require judging, especially by the parties themselves. But the key thing here is that avoiding blame does not mean avoiding your feelings about the conflict. There are example conversations of how to reframe away from blame to understanding, even in the face of a partner who wants to win instead.

Os autores descrevem estratégias de negociação que, em teoria, permitem obter sucesso sem fazer demasiadas concessões.

A segunda parte descreve o método e a terceira parte descreve as situações específicas onde ajustes e derivações do método precisam ser aplicadas para obter um resultado satisfatório.½

I've never put much effort into negotiating. Some of the questions asked in this one are excellent ways to help a conversation move forward. For instance, after someone states what they want, asking "how did you determine that?". Diving into the how and why of someone else helps better understand where they're coming from.

I feel like I wasted my time reading it. It dragged on for such a long time despite being very short. A lot of boring repetition and filler in place of interesting ideas. Also, if I have to read the word BANTA one more time, I might scream.

Lesson I learned:

1. Getting to Yes in negotiations takes time and effort. Think about both sides of the equation and both sides of the argument before making my case. Always understand the outcome of the situation from both sides before finishing the talks and come to a wise agreement that not only benefits you but benefits the other person most exceedingly. It takes two to create a relationship and one person to destroy it. Choose wisely. Negotiate wisely and with tact and grace.

What a great book. In just 6 hours, Fisher and Ury introduced multiple unique concepts that really changed the way I see negotiations -- the ones that stuck out were BATNA, interests over positions, and focusing on objective truths/criteria. The authors also provide realistic examples of how using their advice might unlock better results. In these examples, following the Getting to Yes approach resulted in far more potential solutions being explored, often times by integrating options that didn't initially seem like they could be part of the negotiation.

As the authors note, people negotiate on a daily basis: situations that need more than one person to accomplish a goal usually require some kind of negotiation. I highly recommend reading this book to improve the results of those negotiations.

This one of the best communication books I've read. Although, it might be actually more a psychology book in disguise.

This is not a typical communication/negotiation book, where you receive tactical tips on how to assess the other party's goal, frame the situation, and navigate the conversation to end it up as close to your goal as possible. "Difficult Conversations" is more of a strategic planning book, where you receive tips on how to explore your feelings and motives to stay grounded when emotions and irrationally kick in (and no one in the conversation might even have any specific goals). And once you're good at it you cen help the other party do the same.

I really like how it embraces the human side of having a heated discussion and guides self-discovery. It provides a lot of examples (some of them more believable and realistic, some less) that illustrate the theory and make it more accessible via a variety of situations and contexts of difficult conversations. I find many of the presented concepts thought-provoking and useful, I wish I had read it earlier in my life and apply them more often.

It was an extremely slow read for me. The book is pretty dense and there are so many different examples, stories, and reports accompanying each concept that I had to hit a pause and digest because it was too much at once. Multiple breaks helped the content to sink in, which is not necessarily a bad thing but something to keep in mind when approaching "Difficult Conversations".

The authors present a systematic way to handle difficult conversations. Man, it's going to take a ton a practice though. Addressing emotions appropriately was a big take home message. What's taught here is worthy of persistent practice.

This one was pretty technical. The authors really break down the thought process of having a principled negotiation instead of trying to negotiate either "soft" or "hard." They provide a variety of examples/case studies that emphasize the point. Not going to lie, this was a bit dry, but very good book if you want to read more about different leadership styles.

"Getting to Yes" breaks down key concepts from the authors such as "Don't Bargain Over Positions," "Separate the People from the Problem" and "Focus on Interests, Not Positions." Through each breakdown they go through and provide an example to emphasis their point. I thought this book at times was dry, but I like the constant reinforcement that they are trying to get to in which that every negotiation that you have with either a boss, a direct report, or peer, you can work to make sure that you are principled in your negotiations and don't need to start from a soft or hard position. I have a boss right now that all he does is try to argue his point with our whole team and never listens to a thing we say. That leads to resentment among the rest of us and also anger. It's frustrating to know that you are being ignored since the boss wants to do things his or her own way without taking into consideration other people. It didn't help in our case that he was totally wrong in his approach and we (the team) are paying for it now.

One of my favorite chapters though was "What if They Are More Powerful?" or Develop your BATNA-Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. And believe me I paid attention to this just because a deputy I work for likes to win. You can see him just thinking about his retort when other people are speaking. Drives me up the wall. This chapter though takes you through steps such as protecting yourself, the costs of knowing your bottom line, and knowing your BATNA.

Definitely recommend for a leadership course. And will say once again this is pretty dry.

Look just everyday conversations can be tough, ones that are important and can affect meaningful change are vital, but difficult. This book can help and you should read it.

I kept trying to skim this but failed. Fortunately this is not tough going. I think the stuff that helped me most was:
- thinking about three different sub-conversations (what happened/how people contributed, how people feel, how people conceive of themselves)
- listen well & don't skip to solutions / telling the other person what you think before they feel heard

I think the whole listening well thing is one of those things that seems simple but actually hides a huge amount of complexity & power. This book kind of points you in the right direction but I think there's no substitute for actually doing the work.

Overall, fine but not mind blowing. If you haven't read other sorts of self-help and therapy books in the same vein maybe it's more exciting.

4.5 stars

principle - based negotiations

Though dry and a little dated, this book does give a useful cursory overview of basic negotiating tactics. The advice the book gives focuses on the following tenets:
1. Separating the PEOPLE from the problem
2. Focus on INTERESTS on posiions
3. Invention OPTIONS for mutual gain
4. Insist on using objective CRITERIA
It's a handy book for those who with very little knowledge of negotiating and a good starting point to learn more about getting agreement.

Negotiating agreement without giving in

This is the Harvard Business School method of negotiating to get away from positional bargaining. Some great ideas about finding solutions and being an authentic negotiator. Several chapters on how to deal with those who won't play in this fashion.

From Getting to Yes and the six habits article we see that the most significant aspects of principled negotiation are as follows
• Separating people from the problem - People
• Focusing on the interests, not the positions - Interests
• Generating possibilities for mutual gain before deciding what to actually do - Options
• The result needs to be based on some standard - Criteria
• Best Alternative to a negotiated agreement – BATNA
• Common Ground may not be the best way to go about it – Different needs and wants

Fisher emphasizes the importance of the above points throughout his book and shows how important common sense really is. It offers a clear cut way to improve your negotiation skills.
Highly recommend this to anyone - even if you don't think you need to be skilled in negotiation, you will be surprised at how much this book can teach you!

Helpful ideas and examples to think about. I could only read about 20 pages at a time before looking at how much more I had left and deciding to put it down for a while. As with a lot of professional development books, there's a lot of repetition and excessive explanation which leads it to be a book that's too long. Some of the examples seemed farfetched, or unrealistic to the point that it undermined their point but most were good.

However, I did find it helpful. I thought about a lot of the ideas more in terms of difficult family situations than work situations, but I guess it depends where your struggles are.

Most important learning point: go into the conversation wanting to learn, listen to learn.½

Common sense, very memorable book about negotiating. Major takeaway: start with small things you can agree on and work from there.

(Will have no use in political debates!)

Meh... I realize that Getting To Yes is a classic in the field of negotiation, but, jeez, this is one dry book. Real negotiation should be vibrant, engaging, and a heck of a lot more interesting than GTY makes it seem. And maybe it is, and writing about it doesn't do it justice. I'm far from an expert negotiator so treat my outsider's opinion as such.½

Helps the reader understand how to get to mutually satisfying agreements.

Ja, der erste Platz bei Amazon unter Verhandlungen ist wohl verdient. Auf nur 200 Seiten wird soviel recht schnell anwendbares Wissen vermittelt, da können sich viele andere was abschauen.

Die Methode bei Verhandlungen voranzukommen, basiert auf vier Grundzügen: die Menschen vom Problem separieren, die Interessen herausfinden, Optionen vorzubereiten und anzubieten und sachliche Standards anzuwenden.

Wie die Autoren selber schreiben, vieles davon mag einem klar und selbstverständlich vorkommen, aber es ist schön und kompakt und mi Beispielen versehen. Absolut sein Geld wert.

Ahja, Geld. Getting to Yes gäbe es auch unter dem Supertitel "Das Harvard Konzept" (gäääääääähn) auf deutsch. Um 25 Euro fürs Taschenbuch. Auf englisch mit dem guten Slogan Getting to Yes um nur zehn Euro.