Jamie PattersonRecensioni

A heart wrenching look at the reality of divorce delivered in a very readable conversational style.

In her memoir, Lost Edens, Jamie Patterson gives the reader a glimpse into the abuse and manipulation she endured during her marriage as well as the resulting emotional turmoil she faced upon leaving it. In sincere and beautiful prose, she puts into words the heartache and desperation of someone realizing that the life she built around her love and marriage was ending. Poignant and honest, Lost Edens accurately captures the subtle yet pervasive manipulation of a controlling and unstable spouse. As promised, the book read like a novel and I didn't want to put it down.

Sometimes, the hardest review to write is one in which I love the book. I loved this book. This is a short memoir about the abandonment and betrayal of a husband written in his wife’s point of view. It’s also a memoir about domestic abuse. I can’t remember the last time I read a memoir in which the writer was so brutally honest about herself, about what she went through. It takes a lot of strength to admit your weaknesses; it takes a lot to ask for help. If I had to describe Jamie Patterson in one word, it would be courageous.

I can’t begin to tell you how wonderfully raw and honest this book is. This book was especially personal to me. I have the upmost respect for Ms. Patterson for taking an experience that was so personal and sharing it with us. Those of us who have felt it understand her. Those who have not experienced it for themselves, or sadly are there now, will see that there is healing. There is hope.

For me, this is a must read. I love the way it is written, short and factual. She doesn’t sugar-coat the truth. It’s startling how from the outside looking in, you can see how controlling and abusing her husband is. What I respect about Ms. Patterson is in her honesty about his behavior and words, she is truthful about her beliefs, reasoning, and feelings. On the inside looking out, I can wholly understand her need to make her marriage work, to fight for her husband and their relationship, to honor the commitment, and to blame herself for the failure.

I loved this book because there were so many morsels of goodness. I loved that she wrote, “My pain is too big for these enclosed woods.” I love that she found a way to elucidate the feeling of a pain that is much larger than she is, the kind of pain that consumes her, stealing every thought and emotion.

Finally, I will leave you with this, her words on the end:

“Endings rarely announce themselves. They steal in and go nameless until long after their work is done.”

Writing about emotional abuse is not an easy task, especially when it is a true story. How does one tell a story to show this when each incident, taken alone, can be interpreted as no big deal?

Lost Edens offers a unique glimpse into the dynamics of manipulative control which, through repetition, gradually damages a person’s self-esteem. And when the manipulator is someone you love and married, there is an even bigger problem of acceptance of the situation. Most make defensive excuses for the one loved; taking onto oneself the fault for the problem.

“If only I did this, or if I did that, he wouldn’t be upset.” “It is all my fault.” “Why can’t I be a better wife?” “I’m sorry,” is instinctively said at the first sign of any displeasure. The downward spiral is so difficult from which to escape.

Jamie Patterson tells her story in a first person narrative that has the reader accompanying her. Like her family and friends, readers will alternately want to help her; question her defense of him and condemnation of herself; be afraid for her; be angry at him for what he does; be angry at her for taking it; but through all these feelings, readers will root for her until the end for her to finally see what’s really happening in her life and hopefully to find a way to survive to go on to take back her own life.

With realistic characterizations and good dialogue that will keep the reader involved and caring, Lost Edens is a story that needed to be told to show the signs of emotional abuse that cause people to disappear in their own lives for the sake of the other.

Jamie Patterson’s LOST EDENS is a true story drawn from Jamie’s personal experience of the break up of her marriage and one that many people would benefit from reading. Besides being a writer, Patterson is also a teacher, runner, and a dog lover. She spent almost a decade trying to please everybody and always putting herself last. Jamie describes how very much she wanted her marriage to work and the great lengths she went to in order to make it happen. What she didn’t realize at the time is that no matter how desperate she was, or what all she did, there would never ultimately be the fairy tale marriage she dreamed of.

Domestic violence and spousal abuse is very difficult to read about but even harder to recognize by outsiders and most often by the partner who is involved and in denial. In all of Jamie’s efforts to please her husband, it becomes evident to readers that the undercurrent of low self-esteem is prevalent even though Jamie is not aware of it. As most do, she took the blame on herself but emotional and verbal abuse can be harder to acknowledge than even physical abuse. The cost of such a relationship is devastating. In Jamie’s case, she had separated from her husband for a while but when he asked if he could come back, classic to this type of abuse, Jamie ignored family warnings and her own deep seeded denial. Jamie once again believes that making a perfect home in a lovely beach town will enable the couple to make things work this time. What happens after this is eye-opening to readers and Jamie alike as reality hits home in more ways than one. From Jamie’s point of view, it took a long time for her to find herself and that was only after her husband was gone. I found myself very relieved at the end of the book but wondered what inner scars might Jamie still have left to deal with.

Jamie Patterson is a fine writer and she has courageously shared her story. It is one that demonstrates how emotional abuse can eat away at one’s spirit until they finally break. It is so hard to recognize but looking back, easy to now see how manipulative the other party can be. When Jamie finally came to terms with the fact that her life was centered on her husband, it was a very important step in her recovery. This is a book that anyone who is in such a deadly relationship, or knows someone who is, should read. Even if you are not, it is a fascinating story and one that leaves you thinking long and hard about the inner selves of people we think we know but perhaps do not, including one’s self.

This review took some time for me to write as the stark reality of this book hit very close to home. Jamie writes about the final weeks of her relationship with her husband and tells with both an innocence and purity of a soul that has been battered by emotional abuse. The lack of self-worth is apparent to the reader, but not to the person living it.

Jamie bares her soul and tells from a personal point of view how things transpired and how she discovered she lost herself, but only after losing her husband. She writes with a raw honesty and allows the reader inside the eyes of a person with no self-worth... a person who had it when she started, but doesn't realize that she no longer feels worthy of respect and real love. She shows a woman who feels that if she just tries harder and puts more effort in her relationship, she will receive the love from her husband that she so desperately craves.

This account illustrates how much emotional abuse breaks a person and how it robs their essence. Unlike physical abuse, the scars aren't apparent. The abuse isn't even apparent to the one on the receiving end until great damage has been done. Emotional abuse makes me think of the proverbial frog in the pot - it doesn't notice the heat is being turned up until it's too late.

This emotional account should be read by everyone!

Please Note:

Jamie will be donating a portion of her book sales to the Institute for Human Animal Connection at the University of Denver. After reading this book and meeting Huey, one will understand why.

JAMIE PATTERSON'S "LOST EDEN'S" (REVIEW)

It is almost frightening to read this book and realize just how easily someone can be manipulated into thinking that their life should revolve around someone else. Jamie's realization although late in life was one of the greatest that could ever be documented. This book is a reminder that abuse is not always physical and sometimes even mental abuse can be so subtle that you don't realize it until it's too late. I commend Jamie on her ability to rise above because she is truly a woman that deserves so much better than what she was getting.

This book is a definite must-read for any woman that even suspects she may be going through some kind of abuse. It will open your eyes wide! No one should be taken advantage of in such a way and especially not in the way of abuse no matter what kind it may be. We are all better than that and we all deserve much more!

-Kitty Bullard / Great Minds Think Aloud Book Club

A disturbing portrait of a late twenties codependent bride who, along with her dog, is being silently abused out of her marriage and into recovery. Set against a contrastingly beautiful California beach town, this debut reads more like a novel than a memoir and draws you in until you are just as enmeshed in the story as the author is in her relationship. http://www.lostedens.com