There are lots of books on how to raise a child, but not really any good books on how to raise an adult. This author really did a lot of research to write an excellent book on how to help young adults transition into life through wise career choices in life and in college. It also spoke of how parents have to let go gradually, and let their children become independent as time goes on. The book was a little long for me and did seem to repeat a little, but the information was wonderful. I also saved several of the Facebook and Twitter resources used. I highly recommend that every parent read this long before their child/children reach college age. ( )

This book came to my attention having been recommended by my daughter's middle school. It was eye-opening and a bit of a wake-up call for me, as I could see some of the same dynamics playing out in our household. Lythcott-Haims' essential premise is that kids need responsibilities and challenges to feel confident and grow a sense of independence, and by denying them (doing everything for them and not allowing them to experience failure or navigate conflict) we are not setting them up for success. I took photos (my version of highlighting) of many passages and ideas to refer back to later on. Definitely a must-read for parents today. ( )

Brilliant and interesting, this book discusses the recent trend of "helicopter parenting" and the effects it is having on children and society. Julie Lythcott-Haims bases her book on interviews with teenagers, parents, teachers, high school principals and guidance counselors, and college admissions professionals, as well as on her own experience as a parent and a freshman dean at Stanford. In addition to writing about the unintended consequences of overparenting (depression, drug abuse, stress, and young adults who are not capable of independence), she provides practical advice for how parents can overcome the trend in their own home and neighborhoods.

I particularly like the discussion about college admissions. She stresses that finding the right college is about fit more than about prestige. Ivy league and similar colleges are not the only choice, and often are not even the right choice for a particular kid.

This book does have a definite perspective that may not feel relatable to all parents - Lythcott-Haims is an upper middle class, well-educated, professional mother - but parents from other walks of life can certainly take the bits and pieces that apply to them. ( )

This is a must read for all parents. It is extremely relevant to mainstream, middle class families too, not just the Palo Alto Ivy League parent types. I live in an upper middle class neighborhood in Ohio, where most of the parents did not go to Ivy League schools. We went to normal colleges and worked really hard to get where we are. Our public school district is one of the best in Ohio. Every year we have maybe one student who gets into a Stanford level school, but most go to regular public universities in Ohio. Even so, these kids are being overparented and harmed in exactly the same way as JLH describes of her Stanford freshmen.

I live in a small suburb, about 1 square mile. The neighborhood overlooks a river. There are woods and creeks. The elementary school is right in the middle of it all. The main road through town has several restaurants, a Starbucks, movie theatre and ice cream parlor. It's the perfect town for kids to walk to school, go to the movies, or play in the woods on their own. I'm sure they did this 30 years ago but they don't anymore. Kids are at home under the watchful eye of their parents. They are all in sports, piano lessons, dance lessons, gymnastics, swim team, tae kwon do, multiple AP classes each year, and the list goes on. My son had a natural curiosity when he was little, so I let him build forts in the woods by himself and walk to school by himself in 2nd grade (3 blocks), but there were never other kids doing these things, and I felt the skeptical eyes of parents and teachers. Today he is one of the most independent kids I know, but other college kids in my neighborhood are barely making it.

They are depressed, dropping out of college, living at home, getting into drugs, not driving at age 16. All of their parents are good, kind people who only want the best for their kids. But they helicoptered and gave in to their kid's whims and now they are paying the price. Not only are their kids not going to elite colleges, but they are barely coping with life. All of these parents are standing around in disbelief wondering "What the hell happened?"

JLH's book does focus mainly on the academic demands placed on middle class kids. This is a huge piece of the problem and she chose to tackle this piece because this is where she has experience and expertise. She talks heavily about her dislike of the US News college rankings and admissions criteria, however, she also gives lots of specific parenting advice. She suggests practical things you can do as a parent at each developmental stage to help kids learn independence. She has lots of other suggestions too, such as showing your kids you have personal interests, hobbies, passions. In other words, you aren't stopping your life to drive them all over the place and attend every sports game. They need to see an example of their parent living life, not catering to their kids. She also mentions the importance of finding like-minded parents and suggestions for what you can say to parents who question your hands-off parenting style.

People who judge this book as not relevant to them because they have a kid who doesn't come close to Ivy League material have completely missed the point. The book goes way beyond that. I would love for JHL to stay on this track in her writing and continue to research the plight of young adults today, because she is obviously passionate about it. I would also love for her to delve deeper into the effects of technology on their development, because that is another major change in this generation vs. her generation. Thank you JLH for writing this book. My kids can go to any college they choose, including community college, and it won't bother me in the least.

One final comment. Every parent at my daughter's private christian school was given a copy of this book for an all school discussion. It's clear that schools are concerned. I am encouraged by this, but don't feel that anything will really change. Parents, teachers and administrators will talk and agree, but in the end kids will continue to load up on AP classes. And I am certain that the ultimate pride will always be for those kids who make it into an Ivy. ( )

As a high school counselor I enjoyed the book How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims. I thought it was well-written and insightful. I recommend the book to not only parents but to those who work with children and parents as well. ( )