The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense teaches a number of techniques to redirect conversations when you are being verbally abused. It mentions ways in which a person can respond to a provocation or other type of communication with skill and poise. The book also doubles as a workbook of sorts since you are expected to write supposed scenarios that you could encounter in your life. The book gives little prompts here and there and the reader is expected to write in the book to complete it. Since it was a Library Book, I can't exactly do that. Though I suppose I could always read with a notebook and write down stuff in that. ( )

This is a great book, but it's a little outdated. ( )

First book in the Verbal Self-Defense series. There is an updated and revised version (already sold out), as the role of women in society has changed since the book was written. So, some examples and explanations may be outdated in the original version, but the verbal attack patterns are still the same.

This is some kind of an "emergency manual" on how to recognize and deflect verbal attacks. The following books build on that knowledge.

If you need more theory, get More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense.

(review to be expanded later)

Verbal attacks seldom involve insults or direct threats -- far more insidious are statements that presuppose flaws and blame on the part of the recipient. Such attacks (between parent and child, boss and worker, husband and wife) can be so familiar as to unrecognized for what they are -- and the victim "loses" at the outset by allowing the opponent to frame terms of the conflict and its causes.

The main idea of this book is to help the reader recognize the hidden assumptions in sneak attacks and to deflect them by turning the discussion towards generalities and abstractions. Such tactics have their place, especially when a power differential exists between the attacker and subject of the attack, or when the attacker is too upset to have a rational discussion. However, I found the book's advice limited to a frustrating degree. The author generally does not advise the victim to meet the attack head on; rather her advice is to lead the conflict into neutral territory. While such advice has its place when it comes to a heated interaction, the tactical digression never resolves or deals with the actual issues.

There's a time and place for a form of defense that involves deflecting an attack, but surely dealing with the actual sources of the conflict also has its place; otherwise, the conflict is bound to recur. A verbal abuser who has been diverted by the one tactic offered herein isn't likely to be fooled more than once or a few times. Then what? ( )

The Gentle Art of Self-Defense, relies heavily on neuro-linguistic programming, an "alternative" method of psychotherapy that grew out of the human potential movement. This immediately aroused my suspicions; the other thing that distressed me was the translation of human interaction into a game of chess, complete with rules, moves, countermoves, and winners and losers.

I found Coping With Difficult People by Robert M. Bramson to be a much better book, and the techniques I learned there utterly defused what might have been a difficult relationship. (Due to a family emergency I was forced into working closely with someone whom I just didn't like.) ( )