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An Unconventional Family

di Sandra Lipsitz Bem

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In 1965, when psychologists Sandra and Daryl Bem met and married, they were determined to function as truly egalitarian partners and also to raise their children in accordance with gender-liberated, anti-homophobic, and sex-positive feminist ideals. During the next ten years, they exuberantly shared the details of their daily lives in both public lectures and the mass media in order to provide at least one concrete example of an alternative to the traditional heterosexual family. In the 1990s, Sandra Bem also published an award-winning book, The Lenses of Gender, which spelled out the feminist theory behind their feminist practices.This second book by Sandra Bem, an autobiographical account of the Bems nearly thirty-year marriage, is both a personal history of the Bems past and a social history of a key period in feminisms past. It is also a look into feminisms future, because the Bems children, Emily and Jeremy, now in their early twenties, speak at length in the book as well.Bem analyzes what aspects of family background and psychological makeup led her and Daryl to bond so immediately and to become gender pioneers. She describes the egalitarianism and feminist child-rearing that they invented for their private needs and tells how these family agendas were transformed into public feminist discourse. Finally she reassesses this early feminist union now that the marriage has come to an end and the children are young adults, evaluating (with the help of lengthy interviews with Emily and Jeremy and a brief epilogue by Daryl) what the Bems experiences-both positive and negative-have to say about the viability and necessity of nontraditional gender arrangements in society today.… (altro)
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it's sad how radical most of this still is. but at the same time how differently we talk about gender now, and how far we've come as far as that goes. an interesting dichotomy.

this was interesting. she comes across in her writing a bit aloof and arrogant, but i suspect that isn't at all what she was like in person. it was brave of her and her husband to take such a firm stand on their beliefs, especially in the 60's and 70's when the understanding about gender and gender roles was where it was.

their delineation of gender solely based on genitalia is unfortunate and i would be interested in knowing how they would feel about gender now. because as restrictive as that definition sounds, they were way ahead of their time and i think would have embraced a much different view, one that is open and understanding of trans people and issues.

i found their son's statement toward the end so interesting, about what people bring to activism and why people move to change the world. they were speaking specifically about feminism and he said, "...it's hard to get the energy to be an activist when it would have to come from just my own rational awareness that these are urgent problems, and that's not such an easy energy source." i wonder if that has been part of the reason climate change has long been mostly ignored. it's more of an intellectual awareness for people, not something they feel they're experiencing all the time, although that's starting to change.

anyway, an interesting read on a few levels. ( )
  overlycriticalelisa | Aug 23, 2019 |
I LOVE this book. I want a marriage just like Dr. Bems'. This book was educational, interesting and, the word I exclaimed frequently while reading was "fascinating!" I HIGHLY reccommend it. ( )
  bibliophilegirl | Feb 5, 2007 |
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In 1965, when psychologists Sandra and Daryl Bem met and married, they were determined to function as truly egalitarian partners and also to raise their children in accordance with gender-liberated, anti-homophobic, and sex-positive feminist ideals. During the next ten years, they exuberantly shared the details of their daily lives in both public lectures and the mass media in order to provide at least one concrete example of an alternative to the traditional heterosexual family. In the 1990s, Sandra Bem also published an award-winning book, The Lenses of Gender, which spelled out the feminist theory behind their feminist practices.This second book by Sandra Bem, an autobiographical account of the Bems nearly thirty-year marriage, is both a personal history of the Bems past and a social history of a key period in feminisms past. It is also a look into feminisms future, because the Bems children, Emily and Jeremy, now in their early twenties, speak at length in the book as well.Bem analyzes what aspects of family background and psychological makeup led her and Daryl to bond so immediately and to become gender pioneers. She describes the egalitarianism and feminist child-rearing that they invented for their private needs and tells how these family agendas were transformed into public feminist discourse. Finally she reassesses this early feminist union now that the marriage has come to an end and the children are young adults, evaluating (with the help of lengthy interviews with Emily and Jeremy and a brief epilogue by Daryl) what the Bems experiences-both positive and negative-have to say about the viability and necessity of nontraditional gender arrangements in society today.

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