Interesting about bad influence of some parents. ( )

All parents fall short from time to time. But Susan Forward pulls no punches when it comes to those whose deficiencies cripple their children emotionally. Her brisk, unreserved guide to overcoming the stultifying agony of parental manipulation--from power trips to guilt trips and all other killers of self worth--will help deal with the pain of childhood and move beyond the frustrating relationship patterns learned at home. Selected Reading Questionnaire.

This book is divided into two parts, the first part which lets you analyse if you were in a toxic relation with your parents and the second part which is more of a self help guide. It was a recommendation that came out of Mallu Analyst's videos and one which was also engaging to read. Written by a professional psychologist, I believe this contains valuable advice which is relevant not only to people who have been abused or have reached a level where they need to seek medical help but also for people who don't consider themselves to be in a victim class. Its an eye opener for people interested in knowing what good parenting must be. I am tempted to believe that good parenting is probably to provide as less parenting as possible. Or in other words its an effort to understand and avoid the pitfalls of toxic parenting. There are times where I have felt less comfortable reading this because
1. This seemed to provide insights into my personal life or people whose lives I have come to know and I was afraid of the power of a book to do so. A need for cross verification comes up.
2. No one wants to be in a therapist's room unless you feel you have a problem at hand.

( )

The author is a counselor who treats victims of parental abuse and incest. The case studies are instructive and her advice is helpful. I am concerned with the potential negative impact of confrontation with abusive parents. Maybe the pain is worth it in the end. For the present, it is sufficient for me to acknowledge and recall the toxic environment of my childhood. It is helpful to understand one's self and how childhood experiences have impacted adult behavior. I recommend this book to anyone who had toxic parents. ( )

- good stuff on destroying the myth of the perfect parents, unconditional respect
- useful discussion of how the less-"toxic" parent can assist in enabling abuse, a dynamic that I rarely see discussed in literature on abuse
- a little too gender-neutral: no discussion of how male dominance relates to male violence (for this, see instead [b:Lundy Bancroft|224552|Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men|Lundy Bancroft|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1388183462s/224552.jpg|217475], [b:Patrizia Romito|1332389|A deafening silence Hidden violence against women and children|Patrizia Romito|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1347551260s/1332389.jpg|1321900], [b:second-wave feminist writings|3218081|Women Against Violence Against Women|Dusty Rhodes|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1267865168s/3218081.jpg|3252022]), nor acknowledgment that abusive mothers and fathers are not interchangeable in their attitudes or behaviors, and I am not at all convinced by the author's suggestion "the feelings and trauma are the same" for female and male victims of child rape, her justification for always putting them in coed group therapy sessions
- another questionable suggestion: that men who rape little boys are repressed homosexuals
- the author recommends a "confrontation" with the toxic parents, not so much to get them to change but to let you get over them; it's an interesting idea, I'm not yet convinced it's always needed