Often I give myself too much credit when it comes to being radical or a feminist, and then I have a certain experience or read a book like this and I realize how far I have to go. Even when I'm reading about things I “know,” the fact that it's not in my face every day sometimes makes books like this feel like a wake up slap to the face.

What is emotional labor? Rose Hackman defines it as “the work it takes to put other people's feelings first, identifying or anticipating other people emotions, adapting yours in consequence, and then managing to positively affect other people's emotions.” This is work that is typically done on a much higher rate by women (people who were raised as women and people who identify as women). Most people know this and it's often explained away by saying that women have a higher capacity for empathy and care than non-women. This book begs to differ and presents many facts (backed up with studies, statistics, a plethora of interviews, and the author's lived experience) to explain that fixed gender traits have been exceedingly exaggerated. We're not born with brains that are static, but instead they are formed by what we experience throughout our lives and respond to social attitudes and expectations.

Women are compelled to not only provide emotional labor to their spouses, children, and other family members, but also in their community and employment. Women who don't do this are seen as harsh or mean, while men who perform these roles are often seen as weak and overly sensitive. This is something that effects all genders, but women the most. It prevents them from getting promotions or fair pay at work and forces them to do free labor at home and in extra circular activities. As a society we pay for daycare, nannies, and elder care, but offer no financial reward for people who provide these services to their loved ones.

Hackman is a journalist, has a very easy to read style, and—as mentioned above—backs up what she is saying with irrefutable evidence. It's not a happy read, in fact it doesn't provide the reader with hope that things are getting better. She points out that in general, men are more narcissistic. The gap is shrinking, but not because men are becoming less narcissistic; because women are “adapting” and becoming more so.

I had only one beef with Emotional Labor. Throughout the book Hackman brings up capitalism as one of, if not the, main structures in place preventing meaningful change, which I completely agree with. Unfortunately, she proposes a sort of reformed capitalism as a solution. In this anarchists opinion we can't have any kind of real fairness or equality or even be allowed to be fully human under capitalism. Other than that the book was perfect and I think you should read it. ( )