A must read for everyone about rape culture and toxic masculinity. ( )

If I could give this more than 5 stars I would in a heart beat! This I'd an amazing book that I am thinking about purchasing and making my teenage boys read. I also feel that this book should be read by every English 1 class as a freshman.
I can not personally say that I have dealt with this situation (rape) and luckily I have not known anyone that has been raped. But this book makes you look at things in a totally different way.
A young girl starting her high school years, who looks up to her junior brother, just wants to fit in. wants her first boyfriend her first kiss etc. The high school she goes to is HUGE on football (which most high schools are). But at her high school the varisty players play a scavenger hunt for points. The points can range from a few to hundreds depending on the "task". Well a varsity player has his eyes on this freshman. She thinks it's the real deal and doesn't heed other people's warnings. Finds herself under the bleachers and in a BAD spot. A boy that has liked this girl for a while catches on and runs to her brother and they find her in not the best of shape. They end up pressing charges against the senior but thanks to the brother the abuser doesn't get much time.....
Moving forward they start to bring awareness to the community and start a pledge against rape through out the high school and the colleges. ( )

Smashing the patriarchy, one Pinterest board at a time!

(Full disclosure: I received a free e-ARC for review through NetGalley. Trigger warning for rape, obviously.)

“Ms. Lawrence,” he says, taking off his glasses. “I understand how you feel—”
“Really?” I snap back. “How did you get over your rape?”

"The reason men like Ariel Castro and Elliot Rodger and Aaron Persky exist is because men like us never called them out on their bullshit the first time they showed it.”

THEN: Ashley Lawrence and her older brother Derek used to be BFFs. Until they weren't. But even all Derek's conventionally crappy older brother behavior - ditching his younger sister, giving her a mean-spirited nickname, and just generally shunning her at school - couldn't foreshadow his reaction when Ashley is at first sexually harassed, and then raped by his football teammate Victor Patton as part of a "team-building" scavenger hunt. When called to testify, Derek partakes in the same rape culture that paved the way for Vic's violation of Ashley: He dismisses the scavenger hunt as "just a game," and says that he doesn't think Vic should be punished too harshly. For raping his fourteen-year-old sister. Needless to say, the rape and its aftermath cause something of a rift in the Lawrence family.

Told from Ashley and Derek's alternating perspectives, in a series of then/now flashbacks and present-day narration, Someone I Used to Know explores how toxic masculinity, the idolatry of the high school football team, and rape culture more broadly contributed to Ashley's rape, and shaped the community's reaction to the resulting trial, Victor's conviction, and the (short-lived) cancellation of the football program.

NOW: It's been two years since Vic raped Ashley at homecoming; much has changed, but also not. Bellford High School is about to re-institute the football program, and Victor is getting out of prison after serving just sixteen months of a paltry two-year sentence. The Lawrence's marriage is on the brink of collapse, as mom and dad both have different ideas of how to deal with Ashley and Derek's feud, for lack of a better term.

For me, this was one of the more interesting (and frustrating! parents, gawd!) parts of the story, since I have a younger brother I haven't spoken to in twenty years or so. The rift has nothing to do with sexual assault, thankfully, just him generally behaving like a dick. It was illuminating to see the effect it had on the senior Lawrences, though I was disappointed that mom and dad didn't more firmly come down on Ashley's side, given the circumstances.

Ashley is an amazing, take-no-shit protagonist who turns to activism to deal with her trauma: with the help of Sebastian, the only truly "nice guy" on the football team, she starts a club called Bengals Against Rape, and challenges her community to "Raise the BAR" when it comes to their treatment of girls and women. Likewise, Derek - now in self-exile at college in Long Island, hundreds of miles from home - joins Guys Against Rape, where he's disgusted to be just one of six men at the first meeting.

Whereas the bulk of the story feels authentic and believable - depressingly so - Derek's sudden discovery that RAPE CULTURE IS REAL! and complete 180 from rape apologist to #1 DEFENDER OF WOMEN FOR ALL TIME! strained my credulity a bit. That said, I understand the need to end things on a somewhat hopeful note, and the one Blount struck isn't too far out there. And, to be fair, Blount is quick to point out Derek's flaws, which cannot be wholly and immediately covered up by his good intentions. More so, we all have work to do, a concept that's adeptly illustrated by this one really great brainstorming scene between Ashley and Sebastian (where the latter reminds the former that not all rape victims are female, and it's important to acknowledge them too).

In sum, Someone I Used to Know is a pretty great - by which I mean insightful and illuminating, if damn depressing - exploration of rape culture, from "innocuous" and ubiquitous "sex sells" advertising to rape "jokes" and "jokey" rape threats; from sexual harassment to rape apologism, and everything in between. What Vic did to Ashley definitely falls on the more extreme end of the spectrum, but the various and sundry "smaller" slights that came before and after are all part and parcel of a culture that enables and excuses violence against women.

http://www.easyvegan.info/2018/11/06/someone-i-used-to-know-by-patty-blount/ ( )

“All this time, I thought I was a man, but I wasn’t. I was a pretender, a wannabe. Now these protestors are daring me to be a real man, a man who’s not afraid to tell other dudes when their jokes aren’t funny, when they’re coming on way too strong…and a man who’s not afraid to hear it when he’s the one being a jerk.”

This started out as a pretty strong story; Ashley dealing with the aftereffects of her rape, victim blaming, back-lash from destroying a high school football team, and the strain on family members. Her brother, Derek, deals with his own self-loathing for the way he reacted to her accusation and the blowout afterward.

The characters are mostly believable. Ashley struggles with PTSD, her family is torn between helping her heal and reaching out to the estranged Derek, and Derek morns for the little sister he lost and struggles to understand it all.

Half way through the book it became less about the characters and more about how much information the author could squeeze in. There are teachable, moral filled stories that have lessons added for the readers benefit, and there is this type of story; full of information dumps and riddled with the author’s opinions instead of the subject matter instead of letting the plot and characters lead the story. Derek going to meetings about on campus rape culture became a long winded, preachy, information dump for the readers. I don’t exactly enjoy a book that just preaches at me. ( )

Two years ago, Ashley Lawrence, a freshman in high school, was raped by a senior football player during Homecoming week. Since then, it has driven a wedge between her and her brother, Derek. They were once very close, but now Ashley hates him and can’t even stand to look at him. Derek is carrying around his own guilt about the night of the rape and feels partly responsible for what happened to Ashley. With both Ashley and Derek at odds, the rest of their family is feeling the strain. Can Ashley and Derek ever learn to forgive each other so that their family can start the healing process?

Someone I Used To Know really packs an emotion punch in regards to rape culture and the term “boys will be boys.” It is a shame that till this day society often places blame on the victim. Why were you wearing that outfit? Why were you with him alone? Why were you walking at night by yourself? She was asking for it. She is lying. We have all heard these statements before. When a woman is raped why is she the one always targeted as if she did something wrong? If you want blame someone, blame the rapist. They are the ones at fault. Women are harassed every single day by men. Sometimes men don't even realize what they are doing is wrong. Cat calling a woman as she is walking down the street, touching someone inappropriately as a joke, listening to your friends talking about what they want to do to a woman even if they are joking is still wrong. Most people call it “locker room” talk or boys will be boys which really goes to show how society views rape culture.

Ashley tackles a lot of these issues when she returns back to high school. She is determine to tell her story and make more people aware of rape culture and what we can do to stop it. Ashley really shines here in her determination. Yes, she is still triggered and has anxiety attacks, but she wants to make a difference. Ashley is such a realistic character and I love how Patty Blount shows her day to day struggles and never sugarcoats anything. Ashley as a character is raw and uncensored and I can really see how she grew as a person through the story.

Derek was also an interesting character for me and sometimes, in the very beginning, I hated how he treated Ashley, but at the same time, I can also see how much he craved his independence and wanted to do things with friends that didn’t include his sister. I also had to remind myself that he was still very much just a teenager and acted like a teenager. But, I can see how traumatized he was after his sister’s rape. That moment where he finally gets it and understands that what happened to Ashley wasn’t her fault. You can feel the guilt he feels for his treatment of her. He really has the most growth in this story and I was proud of him for finally owning up to what he did and the ways he went about fixing it.

Someone I used To Know is raw and uncensored. It is a story that every high school student, both boys and girls, needs to read and understand how rape culture affects our society. This story tackles real life issues and is told in a brutally honest way. Patty Blount has such a knack of pulling out every emotion in you such as tears, sadness, anger, and finally relief for characters in a story I have come to treasure. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. This is a five star read and one that will remain on my keeper shelf.
( )