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"Written with unexpected humor and great warmth, The Widower's Notebook is a portrait of a marriage, an account of the complexities of finding oneself single again after losing your spouse, and a story of the enduring power of familial love. On a summer day in New York Jonathan Santlofer discovers his wife, Joy, gasping for breath on their living room couch. After a frenzied 911 call, an ambulance race across Manhattan, and hours pacing in a hospital waiting room, a doctor finally delivers the fateful news. Consumed by grief, Jonathan desperately tries to pursue life as he always had-writing, social engagements, and working on his art-but finds it nearly impossible to admit his deep feelings of loss to anyone, not even his to beloved daughter, Doria, or to himself. As Jonathan grieves and heals, he tries to unravel what happened to Joy, a journey that will take him nearly two years."--Jacket flap.… (altro)
Here's a book that falls directly in my wheelhouse, men who have lost their wives. Santlofer is a writer/artist and his late wife was also an author. Part of the story is about Santlofer seeing his wife's book from its rough manuscript to a published book about food. The writing is well crafted, but I felt a certain distance in his descriptions of his feelings. It seems maybe too polished. Several of the other books that I've read on this topic have had more grit, more raw pain. But I don't want to kick a man while he's describing his own personal hell. The part that I couldn't relate to was the fact that he couldn't cry until about a year later, when the old family cat dies ... I was crying from the start. It seems that surviving spouses have become a market segment in the book market all to themselves. Now, I am part of that segment as well. ( )
"men don't write about grief"... well Mr Santlofer has, bravely and honestly, about how he grieves, how he was treated by friends and strangers... tribute, a grief diary, and much more. A great writer looking at what we all must face and talk little about. ( )
The author, who had been married for more than 40 years, was faced with the sudden death of his wife. She had routine surgery, a surgery ironically enough that she expressed concerns about, when very soon after she developed respiratory issues that resulted in her death. She basically died in her husband's arms. This is a look at what happened but more importantly, how the author experienced the resulting grief and depression he suffered because of her unexpected death. Fortunately for him, he has a daughter who helped him through this, while also experiencing her own grief. It was an insightful look at how men suffer just as much as women do when they lose their partner, but how too often men feel that they can't express those emotions or reach out for support because they are supposed to be "men." ( )
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Between grief and nothing, I will take grief. —William Faulkner
Dedica
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For Joy Santlofer: wife, mother, sister, writer, friend. You are greatly missed. And for our daughter, Doria, the brightest light.
Incipit
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Do I start with the part where I am paralyzed, back pressed hard against the living room wall, shrinking into it but watching as if through a lens zooming in and out of the action, near then far, all of it taking place no more than five, six feet in front of me, firemen pushing the coffee table aside, books toppling, paramedics rolling my wife onto the floor, one tearing open her blouse and searching for a heartbeat, another pressing her chest up and down as a second team races in and a woman takes over, flips open a black bag and inserts a tube down my wife's throat, everything happening in hyperspeed, while I stare at my wife's face gone pale and the room going gray and grainy as an old photograph?
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"Written with unexpected humor and great warmth, The Widower's Notebook is a portrait of a marriage, an account of the complexities of finding oneself single again after losing your spouse, and a story of the enduring power of familial love. On a summer day in New York Jonathan Santlofer discovers his wife, Joy, gasping for breath on their living room couch. After a frenzied 911 call, an ambulance race across Manhattan, and hours pacing in a hospital waiting room, a doctor finally delivers the fateful news. Consumed by grief, Jonathan desperately tries to pursue life as he always had-writing, social engagements, and working on his art-but finds it nearly impossible to admit his deep feelings of loss to anyone, not even his to beloved daughter, Doria, or to himself. As Jonathan grieves and heals, he tries to unravel what happened to Joy, a journey that will take him nearly two years."--Jacket flap.
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(4.3)
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The writing is well crafted, but I felt a certain distance in his descriptions of his feelings. It seems maybe too polished. Several of the other books that I've read on this topic have had more grit, more raw pain. But I don't want to kick a man while he's describing his own personal hell. The part that I couldn't relate to was the fact that he couldn't cry until about a year later, when the old family cat dies ... I was crying from the start.
It seems that surviving spouses have become a market segment in the book market all to themselves. Now, I am part of that segment as well. (