Gregory Coles shares his experience as a gay Christian who believes that God's design for marriage and sex is exclusively for heterosexual couples.

I didn't agree with all of his conclusions, but it was good to read where he's coming from, especially in regard to certain specific issues I've wondered about, such as why a Christian would want to identify as a "gay Christian" - this does seem to me to be identifying with their sinful nature instead of Christ.

I did appreciate his thoughts on Christian suffering and sacrifice, and especially his thoughts on singleness and celibacy.

The book is the perfect length at only 120 pages. Coles gets straight to the point, which I always appreciate.

I think many (most) Christians would benefit from this book and I recommend it - with the caveat that like all memoirs, this is Coles's story, not an in-depth theological study on homosexuality, and should be read with that in mind.

Some quotes I liked:

" 'I'll follow you,' we say to Christ so readily, watching the thorns dig into his forehead. And then, moments later, we cry foul when we discover thorns of our own." (p 38)

"So then, Jesus knew me after all. He hadn't forgotten me. He had known what I would want, how urgently I would want it, how it would seem at times to overtake every thought. And he had responded that the desires I had weren't meant to be fulfilled. Not in this life. He had called me to self-denial, to sorrow. He had called me to a cross." (p 41) ( )

The deep-seated self-hatred, internalized homophobia, and martyr complex are so incredibly strong in this book. The cognitive dissonance required to say "my creator made me this way but does not want me to fully experience the human condition" is astounding but sadly more common than one might expect. Especially when it's all for a lie-within-a-lie, since the word "homosexual" didn't even exist in the Christian bible until 1946. I had not read the full summary and was hoping for this to be a book that would explore and tackle the religious trauma felt by many sexual minorities trying to reconcile their existence with a less-than-welcoming church...but instead it does the opposite: it trivializes and exacerbates said trauma for the sake of self-martyrdom and self-aggrandizement. ( )

This was a really difficult book for me. I was glad I listened all the way through to the last disc (#4). I had to keep reminding myself that my horrified response to his narrative had to do with my own upbringing and hearing all the Evangelical jargon that my mother tried to force-feed me. The last disc, however, spoke more of his struggle and his thinking, rather than just being an echo of the junk I was told all throughout my childhood (and even endure now at family get-togethers). I found this heartbreaking; yet again, this is HIS story, and he's only gotten so far into it. Perhaps he'll always have the same conviction and continue to be alone and celibate, but that's his choice for his own life. I applaud his bravery for writing this and exposing his thoughts to a world of strangers. As he said: he's a minority inside a minority. I disagree, personally, with his conclusions, but he is the one who gets to make those conclusions for his own life. I am glad that he's found comfort inside his decision, and that he's living by his convictions (even as it breaks my heart). He seems like a wonderful, wonderful person. I wanted to give this a single star, but that's based entirely on my reaction and is not an accurate reflection of his book. He did a good job and was very vulnerable to share so much of himself, something I'm certainly not willing to do. So I, instead, easily give it three stars to acknowledge his effort and execution despite me having so many visceral (negative) reactions as I listened. I love hearing everyone's stories, and just b/c my own baggage causes me to have the response that I have, that does not make his story any less valuable and worth hearing. ( )

Summary: An autobiographical narrative of a young Christian who becomes aware of his attraction to other men, his struggles against this within a Christian context, his experiences of "coming out," and how he has decided to follow Christ through all of this.

This book had me at the first page. Ordinarily, I wouldn't quote so extensively, but I know nothing better to give you a sense of Gregory Cole's story, and of his exquisite writing:

"Let's make a deal, you and me. Let's make promises to each other.

I promise to tell you my story. The whole story. I'll tell you about a boy in love with Jesus who, at the fateful onset of puberty, realized his sexual attractions were persistently and exclusively for other guys. I'll tell you how I lay on my bed in the middle of the night and whispered to myself the words I've whispered a thousand times since:

"I'm gay."

I'll show you the world through my eyes. I'll tell you what it's like to belong nowhere. To know that much of my Christian family will forever consider me unnatural, dangerous, because of something that feels as involuntary as my eye color. And to know that much of the LGBTQ community that shares my experience as a sexual minority will disagree with the way I've chosen to interpret the call of Jesus, believing I've bought into a tragic, archaic ritual of self-hatred.

But I promise my story won't all be sadness and loneliness and struggle. I'll tell you good things too, hopeful things, funny things, like the time I accidentally came out to my best friend during his bachelor party. I'll tell you what it felt like the first time someone looked me in the eyes and said, "You are not a mistake." I'll tell you that joy and sorrow are not opposites, that my life has never been more beautiful than when it was most brokenhearted.

If you'll listen, I promise I'll tell you everything, and you can decide for yourself what you want to believe about me."

In succeeding chapters, Coles unfolds, often in a self-deprecating yet not self-hating fashion, his growing awareness that he was gay, his silence and attempts to cover this up by dating girls and even of trying to awaken heterosexual desires through them. He describes the scary and wonderful moment he comes out to his pastor, who listens, and loves, and keeps on loving.

We trace with him his journey to reconcile his faith, his orientation, his understanding of biblical teaching, weighing but rejecting "affirming" interpretations, which precludes for him acting on his gay attractions by pursuing intimacy with another man, and what it means for him to believe that God has nevertheless made him good.

He helps us hear what is often said in churches that affirm a "traditional" view from the perspective of a gay person. I cringed here as I read things I've said. He also leads us into a broader conversation about sexuality and how the fall has affected it for all of us, gay or straight.

He speaks about his choice to live single, both the heartache, and the joy. He raises the question of views of discipleship that never involve suffering or self-denial. He casts a vision for a life that is full, and has a unique capacity for relationships because of who he is as a gay man. Where the church often sees LGBTQ persons as a threat, Greg helps us see persons like himself as a tremendous gift.

Coles speaks with a voice of conviction without dogmatism. He speaks for himself and his own journey, allowing that others might conclude differently. As he writes in his introduction, he tells us the truth about himself, and lets us decide. He doesn't see himself as any kind of role model but simply as a "half-written story."

I deeply resonated with his comments about encountering the "are you side A or side B?" question. He writes, "I didn't want to be reduced to a simple yes or no. I wanted a new side." I find myself deeply in sympathy with him. And perhaps this book might take us a step closer to that new side.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through Netgalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. ( )