I was surprised by how well done this book was--it felt like hearing a friend speak and had me laughing out loud. Andi's got some good advice here. It's meant to be catty and it's meant to be gossipy and she does it well. I could definitely relate to her feelings. ( )

Everything I have been reading lately seemed so repetitive, so I needed something different. I am not a huge fan of non-fiction reads, but I do like reading some especially if they are about people/things I enjoy. I thought I would give this a try since I am a fan of the show and several of the people in the show that are in this book.

I know this book has had a lot of hate. I guess I went into this without high expectations, so I ended up enjoying it more than I thought. I can not really speak to the writing since I did listen to this on audio. I do think based on reviews, audiobook may be the way to go with this one. It is also narrated by Andi (which I liked). This really was a glimpse into Andi and her journey on the show, her breakup, and her heartbreak. I do agree with some others that at times Andi was superficial and bitter as she retold her story. You can tell she was very heartbroken around everything that happened.

Overall, I did enjoy this for what it is. I do recommend the audiobook if you love the show especially Andi, Josh, or Nick and/or have followed their journeys. ( )

So you're probably looking at this review in your feed thinking, "Huh, a Bachelor(ette) related biography? Isn't this a little outside your normal reads, Danielle?"

You'll have to thank my grad friends, who got me to watch the most recent season of The Bachelor in its entirety. It's junk food television- fun, definitely bad in the long run, but oh so entertaining. I don't feel the need to go back and watch previous seasons though because there's so many, and that's where books like this fill in. The fact that recent Bachelor Nick Viall is in here as ex #25 is also of interest, as he's had his own weird narrative arc within the Bachelorverse entering as a villain in Andi's season, getting dumped twice, and then somehow coming out redemptive enough to be his own protagonist. Because I haven't seen any other Bachelor bits though, I'm coming into this book with few preconceptions of people (aside from Nick, who I find to be a mumbly milquetoast 30-something). I have seen UnREAL and a couple seasons of VH1's I Love New York, so I'm not *un*familiar with the concept.

A rare one star from me (I almost want to rate it 2 for the "it was ok" though). It's not the *worst* thing I've ever read, but kind of meh for me at the moment. Luckily, it was a very quick read.

There's two narratives here: chapter segments are organized by diary entries day by day after her break-up with Josh Murray, or #26 (the "winner" of her season). This frame story deals with the trauma and stages of grief following a breakup, and her feelings are earnest and feel authentic. Her advice is kind of iffy sometimes, though (I guess ex sex can be empowering but, uh, I'm not going to assume it's for everyone. Also, literally burning reminders is cathartic but please please please make sure you've got a firepit or something lest you burn your house down Rebecca Bunch style.) Given the way emotions change over time, I'd guess that these very well could've been from an actual diary.

The second narrative is woven into the frame and covers Andi's history with the Bachelor franchise, starting with her gal pals urging her to go to a casting call in Atlanta. Her time as a contestant on Juan Pablo's season is breezed through, because the main story here is her season, and how she fell in love with 26 at first sight, ignoring some red flags and growing out of love due to major gaslighting and emotional abuse. Like Andi, I did my undergraduate in the South (albeit at a different Tiger-mascot'd institution) so I'm familiar with the types of girl she and her friend circle hail from- I recall my freshman floor gathering for Bachelor watch parties actually, which I avoided because band rehearsal so...
Though it wasn't her goal in uni or law school, the sorority circles tend to want to get their MRS degrees, so the pressure to try anything as a 25 y.o "old maid" is understandable, especially as the fifth wheel when going out. Reality dating is an artificial world, but at a certain point, I can see the appeal of wanting some kind of matchmaker to maybe help out.

There's some dim self-awareness when it comes to slut-shaming, as that is a huge contributor to the cracks in her relationship. 26 is insecure because she slept with 25, and how dare she, shouldn't she know he has baggage from ten years ago when his then-girlfriend kissed another boy??? Andi recognizes this is absurd, especially given the show he signed up to be on, and even comments about the double standard of how Bachelors are expected to bed their final 2-3 in the Fantasy Suite episode, but Bachelorettes are supposed to be a little more demure. It's kind of feminist, I guess, though it does explain her underwhelming "feminist rant" to Nick on the recent season about how sleeping with multiple people does Not Make You A Bad Person.

It's Not Okay also tries to be a bit of a self-help "You Go Girl!" post-breakup book for women with Lessons Learned at the end of each chapter and... eh. I'll admit when reading this, I flashed back to my big heartbreak five years ago, and some things like Operation Mother-Effing Awesome are great bits of advice, other parts... not so much, as mentioned earlier. There's also a fair amount of brand name dropping which works with the Carrie Bradshaw schtick but also the privileged Southern woman- this wasn't a turnoff as it seems in character, but again, I can see how that might bother someone. Privilege is a bit of a loaded word on the internet, but it so very much captures how fresh off a broken engagement one party might decide to move to a new city without thinking too much about the job scene, especially after spending 50 days homeless living in a friend's guest room...
(also, wanting to live the Big City life but also being from Atlanta? Last I checked Atlanta is definitely big city, complete with international airport and public transport...)

Lastly, finishing this book reminded me of an internet argument I was in a month ago- a person just couldn't fathom why libraries were still a thing when people can buy books digitally. It's Not Okay is a great argument for why I'm glad for my local library- I was curious about this book, and thanks to the library I was able to read it without actually spending money on it or having a copy take up space on my home shelf or on my Nook. Definitely a "try before you buy" situation, especially on a piece I was iffy about. I don't regret reading this, but likely won't be returning to it any time soon. ( )