This collection of 29 memoir/essays won both the Oregon Book Award in literary arts and a Lambda award and it is clear why. Kate Carroll de Gutes has a deft hand with her memories, paring away what is extraneous to reveal crystal-clear insight into the hazards of growing up butch and the continual process of coming out. Her pieces on marriage ending rang true for me, although she was faced with the response, "But it's not a REAL divorce, right?" and I never had to confront that particular sharp prejudice. Her essays on aging parents feel fresh--and painful. But there are also plenty of moments of humor. You want to spend time with this woman after reading her work: can't we have a cup of coffee and talk some more?

Her bold approach has encouraged me to be more courageous in my own writing, and that is a tremendous gift for one writer to hand another.

I did wish for a table of contents, which would have aided me as I hunted for the titles of the essays I loved best, which include the wonderfully named "Sir Ma'am Sir:Gender Fragments" and "Can You Hear Me in That Closet You're In?" and "Yellow Sorrow". And the brief pieces with a focus on clothing did little for me. But those are minor quibbles. Overall, highly recommended! ( )

75% of the book was , "eh/didnt resonate with me". The other 25% makes it definitely worth the read! ( )

i hesitate to give 5 stars because that's just not something i usually do, but i can't think of anything wrong with this book. nothing that fell flat, not one essay that didn't live up to the rest, no mistakes, nothing missing. not even a typo. and it's not like there just "wasn't something missing"; it's also full. these essays are so well done. the language, the content, the lyricism, the overarching story. this book is fantastic. i wouldn't change a thing about it.

i could pull a quote or two from each essay, minimum, so instead will just note that "Can You Hear Me In That Closet You're In" is probably my favorite essay, although it's hard to say for sure since all of them are so good. it was like i was at a poetry reading, reading this book - after every essay i made that appreciative sigh, because each of these essays does just exactly what it needs to do, and flawlessly. ( )