Great book on manners from around the world! ( )

"Like so many examples of cultural miscommunication, no one was wrong and no one was right. Each side responded according to its own cultural traditions. Each group interpreted behavior of the other group based on completely different sets of cultural norms. It is easy to misjudge the behavior of those whose cultural backgrounds are different." p. 152

It is rare that you will never interact with a person from another culture, whether that person is a recent immigrant, a business contact, a student, a customer, a significant other's family, or someone from a different region. It isn't necessary to bend oneself into knots to accommodate other cultures. But it is becoming more and more important to recognize that "polite" and "rude" are not universal truths and that cultural norms and mores vary.

Dresser's book shows many real-life examples of well-meaning individuals who inadvertently insult their hosts, loose business deals, offend customers, take offense, or experience simple confusion. She then explains how misunderstandings can occur and some generalities to keep in mind when dealing with others. This is an excellent resource for educators, business people, and anyone marrying into a different culture. It's also useful for children of immigrants. Her examples are not limited to foreigner's coming into contact with Americans, though. She includes examples of people from different regions of America, people with autism, and homosexuals.

Essentially, it is important to remember that if you are looking to be offended (or to cause offense) you will succeed. But if you actually do want to interact with those around you politely and courteously, this is a great book to read through. ( )

I wish that everyone would read this book, just to be aware that different cultures have different mores, and if someone is "foreign" to you, their manners may seem very odd. It is necessary not to jump to conclusions. Of course, since so much of communication is non-verbal, it's also difficult not to.

Obviously, one cannot adopt a single set of manners that would suit all people since people often have opposite customs. I worked with one group of people that hated to have money left on the counter, and another that preferred to have money left on the counter, and it was hard to remember to switch. Dresser notes that not all people from one country have the same customs, and as people live in the US for a few generations, they may forget ethnic customs. She tells a story on herself: visiting Hmong-Americans, she insists on removing her shoes, only to find out that the family has dropped that custom. Fortunately, I think most people appreciate the attempt to be polite, even if one stumbles from time to time.

The book is told mainly in the form of anecdotes about cultural miscommunications, with explanations of customs of various societies. After this is a section listing many, although not all individual countries. This is followed by an extensive bibliography and an index.

The index is one of the weakest points of the book. If one wants to use the book to learn customs for a specific group of people, the cross-indexing is erratic. If one is looking for Iranian customs, one also needs to look up Muslim and Middle-Easterners, but there are no cross references for this, although there are for some entries.

A useful book, if one is going to be interacting with a known group of people. Otherwise, at least a reminder that customs vary. ( )