I still need to give this a proper review, especially as it is the book I have most thought about and is by far my most beloved thing I've read all year.

I genuinely find it hard to express just how or why I adore this book so much being a sad, broken Queer disaster who loves nothing more than reading beautiful, ugly, wonderful books about her people.

***

I've given it some time, but I am struggling to write a review for this book because I loved it so very much, but can't exactly out my finger on why. I have been thinking about it so often since and, honestly, I can't wait to read it again. It's just so nihilistic and bleak, but hopeful and real and raw and grimy and hopeless and ugly and beautiful. I just can't get my thoughts together enough to do it justice. I don't think I've ever lived a book so much that I actually found it difficult to talk about.

I will re-read it once I put a tiny dent in my TBR and see how I do then.

...

This book has absolutely shattered me in the best worst, worst best way.

I can't remember a book made me just lose it sobbing this much.

This is probably my favourite book of all time.

I'll hopefully have more words once I have put myself back together. ( )

I got this book as an Early Reviewer copy, and it's possibly the first of those that I've really really liked. It's about a fucked up girl and her fucked up family and relationship, but most importantly her girlfriend reminds her of her dead sister and is in a cult that is sort of like Scientology but also sort of like Less Wrong / the Rationalist community.

Julie is a young woman, whose adored older sister died, her mother seems to spend all her time in her room and has no substance at all in the novel. Julie is left to make her way in the world, with occasional guidance from Michael, her mothers boyfriend, which Julie takes little notice of.
Julie makes lots of mistakes, as she finds her way. Her naivety rings true; when you think back to being 17, her certainty and seeing things very black and white are well approached too. Julie grows up tortuously and you really wish someone would give her some guidance and support, but even those who try get brushed aside. The people she does seek support from are not always well equipped to help.
I found the novel a bit rambling and heavy going. I didn't generate much sympathy for Julie or for Patrice, who felt like a strange one-dimensional character throughout the novel, only really coming out of the shadows occasionally. This feels like a either a failing of the writing, given that Julie was grieving her sister and getting no family support, there should have been lots of sympathy or a very clever novel, not sinking in to teenage angst and obvious heart-string pulling. ( )

I received this book as part of the LibraryThing Early Reviewers programme; and I have to admit that at first I found it quite difficult to get into, mostly due to the speech patterns and not very clearly defined dialogue. As I knew I had to write a review, I persevered, and I am very glad I did as this turned out to be a very enjoyable read.

I guess I would describe it as a coming of age story with a difference, with our anti-heroine Julie learning to deal with loss, her budding sexuality and somehow negotiating between staying true to yourself while at the same time having adult responsibilities.

Through the major flaws and weakness she sees in others, starting with her older sister's suicide, Julie figures out at a relatively young age that she only has herself to rely on, and embarks on a predictably messy journey of self- discovery. While making some spectacularly bad decisions along the way, her common sense and intelligence are clearly apparent all along through her humorous observations and biting self-awareness. Unlike most of the other characters in the book, who seem to carry auras of damage and doom around with them, Julie always gives the impression that she will come out OK in the end. ( )

It took me while to get into this novel, probably because dialogues do not stand out from narration so much, and because most metaphors are quite uncommon. Much of the novel reads as a stream of consciousness. However, after 50 or 60 pages of getting used to it I enjoyed this coming-of age novel a lot. Despite the background of neglect, unstableness and sadness the main character learns to rely on her own strength and clear-headedness, with no need for a pathetic cult or tarot or whatever. On the way she also becomes quite comfortable with her sexuality. What I like too is that there is a quite a sense of humor in this novel.
(I received this book as part of the Early Reviewer program.) ( )