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True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart (1997)

di Thich Nhat Hanh

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Love might not be what we think it is. We all seek the happiness that comes from loving and being loved, yet we often find ourselves dissatisfied in our relationships and unable to grasp the cause. Thich Nhat Hanh here shows the way to overcome our recurrent obstacles to love--by learning to be mindful, open, and present with ourselves and others. As he explains, "training is needed in order to love properly; and to be able to give happiness and joy, you must practice deep looking directed toward the person you love. Because if you do not understand this person, you cannot love properly. Understanding is the essence of love."This quintessential guide to loving also introduces the four key aspects of love described in the Buddhist tradition--loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and freedom--and describes many simple and direct ways in which we can practice authentic love in our everyday lives.Cover art: White Lotus (Nelumbo Odorata), c. 1800, unknown artist. Courtesy of Harvard Art Museums/Arthur M. Sackler Museum, Gift of Eric Schroeder.… (altro)
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We would be a happier people if we read this daily and put his suggestions into practice. ( )
  JRobinW | Jan 20, 2023 |
The late Thich Nhat Hanh is absolutely one of my favourite spiritual authors, He will be sorely missed.

He begins by telling us that there are four elements of true love, maitri or loving-kindness, karuna, or compassion, mudita or joy and, finally, upeksha, or freedom.

Loving-kindness is the ability to bring joy and happiness to the person you love, Training is needed in order to love properly; you need to practice deep looking directed towards the one you love.

You need to understand the person in order to love properly and deep looking will bring understanding.

When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love.

To love is, first and foremost, to be there, to be totally present.

Buddhist meditation is being present to oneself and to those you love.

Mindful breathing will help with this.

“”Breathing - I know that I am breathing in; breathing – I know that I am breathing out”.

With mindful breathing your body and your mind begin to come together with one another.

Thich gives us a mantra . “”Dear one, I am here for you”.

The first step is to be there, and the second step is to recognize the presence of the other.

“If you love someone and you continue to ignore his or her presence, this is not true love.”

You must recognize the presence of the person you love several times every day. It is not difficult and is a true meditation.

He gives us the mantra: “Dear one, I know that you are there and it makes me very happy.”

When the person you love is suffering, you go to him or her and say “”Dear one, I know that you are suffering, that is why I am here for you,”

If you try to be there for yourself and the ones you love, recognize their presence and be there when they are suffering, you will be practising love twenty-four hours a day.

Thich also provides us with advice about what to do when we ourselves are suffering and think that our suffering is caused by the one we love. Then we must overcome our pride and go to the person in question and ask for his or her help. “Dear one, I am suffering so much, help me please.”

These are the four mantras for the practice of true love.

He explains about the “internal formations” or knots that are formed in those we love by things we say or do. Then the person we love turns into something like a bomb that could explode at any moment.

A person who is suffering needs someone to listen to him, and you can do it. Thich tells us that if someone has to have recourse to a psychotherapist, it is because no-one in his home can listen.

“By listening with calm and understanding we can ease the suffering of another person.”

In Plum Village where Thich Nhat Hanh lived, deep listening is a very important practice. When they listen they do not say anything, but breathe deeply and open their hearts to really listen to one another.

Thich states that without mindfulness we live like the dead. Being alive is being in the present moment, in the here and now.

When we practice walking meditation, each step brings us back to the present moment. “Life is here, in each step.”

Thich suggests that members of the Congress practice mindful breathing and walking, deep listening and calm, loving speech, instead of quarreling and shooting poison arrows at each other.

This is a wonderful book like all Thich Nhat Hahn’s books and I highly recommend that you read it. It will help you to vastly improve your personal relationships. ( )
  IonaS | Mar 20, 2022 |
The book is written beautifully and helps one find that inner peace to love anyone (and not just romantically). We've forgotten how to give ourselves to someone 100% because we place things before others.

I suggest you read this to figure out what I'm trying to say and not capable of finding the right words. ( )
  ennuiprayer | Jan 14, 2022 |
Nicely practical book well worth spending the hour or two it takes to read. Straightforward advice good for anyone, Buddhist or Christian, to develop greater mindfulness that leads to more compassion and loving kindness toward others. ( )
  bness2 | May 23, 2017 |
A small guide to accepting and improving our lives through "mindfulness." We need to become more consciously aware of our thoughts which will positively affect our actions and relationships. We also need to "stop fighting" pain and suffering but allow our good thoughts to communicate and tame the "bad."

Reading True Love is soothing and makes the reader want to slow down and try some of these techniques. Can't hurt! ( )
  Bookish59 | Jan 21, 2013 |
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Love might not be what we think it is. We all seek the happiness that comes from loving and being loved, yet we often find ourselves dissatisfied in our relationships and unable to grasp the cause. Thich Nhat Hanh here shows the way to overcome our recurrent obstacles to love--by learning to be mindful, open, and present with ourselves and others. As he explains, "training is needed in order to love properly; and to be able to give happiness and joy, you must practice deep looking directed toward the person you love. Because if you do not understand this person, you cannot love properly. Understanding is the essence of love."This quintessential guide to loving also introduces the four key aspects of love described in the Buddhist tradition--loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and freedom--and describes many simple and direct ways in which we can practice authentic love in our everyday lives.Cover art: White Lotus (Nelumbo Odorata), c. 1800, unknown artist. Courtesy of Harvard Art Museums/Arthur M. Sackler Museum, Gift of Eric Schroeder.

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