it was really good. i especially liked how it wasn't written in a chronological order, so it started from the present and went back to the past. i found that to be a very unique and symbolic way to write a book. ( )

Actual rating: 2.5

A very raw, very real story of being stuck in an abusive relationship which strikes up a lot of arguments to the question, "Why didn't you leave him?"

Amanda Grace ([a:Mandy Hubbard|2274221|Mandy Hubbard|https://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/authors/1284581915p2/2274221.jpg]) approaches the topic as subtly as an elephant in a china shop, meaning the book begins at the end, and the transition from perfect relationship to abuse is actually done backwards. Doing it this way, the author said:

"I wrote it because I wanted people to understand abusive relationships, and why the victims of domestic violence don't simply walk away. So often, a person thinks of themselves as too smart to end up in a similar situation. As the person reads, he or she chooses a defining moment (often the first time an abuser pushes or hits the victim) where they say to themselves, "that is when I would have left." From then on, they place a certain amount of blame on the victim for being in the situation in the first place.
By telling the story in reverse chronological order, it removes the reader's ability to judge the protagonist. They don't know the events that led up to the abuse, so they can only sit back and observe."

I gotta say though, man, it worked!

As I said, it's very raw and very real and you MUST keep an open mind when approaching such a subject. If you go into it but you're already judging the characters, you'll hate it and won't get the 'full experience'.

Yes, why DID I give this only 2.5 stars?

Although it's a wonderful book, it could've done with a bit more.

I mean, the mother is never present (and only mentioned a handful of times as the person that stressed out Ann, our MC, the most), and we don't actually understand WHY it got to the point it did. It's very much like a diary: it starts,then just stops and because of this it leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

If you want a quick read about a subject that interests you, then this is the book for you (it took me five hours to finish this AND read the discussion at the end), but if you're looking for something deep and meaningful (i.e. something that answers your questions) then look elsewhere because this won't help.

My lack of gifs compels me to post one totally irrelevant to the topic. ISN'T HE ADORABLE??

( )

Told in reverse chronological order, readers learn of the great love between Ann and Connor. After just a few weeks of dating, they are in love. Ann is drawn more and more to Connor, and soon finds herself without any friends because all she wants to do is be with Connor. No one understands how much he needs her, how much she helps him. Nobody knows that when Connor gets angry it's because she must have done something wrong, so she'll make sure not to talk to anyone anymore so he won't get angry. When Connor first yells at her, then pushes her, then beats her Ann is sure everything will be okay, except nothing will be okay ever again. Amanda Grace takes the reader on a roller coaster ride of an abusive teen relationship and its repercussions. ( )

//But I Love Him// by Amanda Grace is one of the best pieces of contemporary teen writing I have read this year. Amanda Grace is a pseudonym for the powerhouse YA author Mandy Hubbard whose works include the popular //Prada and Prejudice//.
//But I Love Him// focuses on Ann who is extremely confident, gets amazing grades and has her life all planned out; until she meets Connor and her dreams go down the drain. The story is told in reverse, starting with Ann listless on the floor after being beaten by Connor. The story plays in flashbacks, their first meeting, when he started using words to abuse her, and then the hitting.

We learn how Ann lost her friends, and why she made the decision to stay with Connor even when he begins to hit her. To Ann she is the only one who can heal Connor and she is the only one who loves him completely, unconditional love like hers requires some sacrifice for the final payoff, and Ann dreams her payoff will be Connor completely healed of his emotional scars and then finally beginning life together.

//But I Love Him// is haunting, heartbreaking, and full of wondrous hope. ( )

I'm not sure if [b:But I Love Him|9541845|But I Love Him|Amanda Grace|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1288992321s/9541845.jpg|7371514] would have touched me as much if the subject matter wasn't something that has affected someone close to me throughout their life, and therefore, had a huge effect on myself. I'm not going to publicly post details but a person who was very important to me went through a similar ordeal with domestic abuse with even more violent conclusions. I saw first-hand how someone could be so wrapped up in a relationship that they didn't see how much it was harming them. There were times after a fit of violence where he would storm out, claiming to be leaving, knowing full well that she would beg him to stay. And she did.

This is a subject that really affects me everytime I read books or see films with violent partners. Because I know how someone can alienate their friends and family and retreat into their own little bubble of violence. I know all about the "it'll be different this time" and how quickly an abusive partner can switch personalities. [b:But I Love Him|9541845|But I Love Him|Amanda Grace|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1288992321s/9541845.jpg|7371514] contained all of these elements and it was believable for me because I recognised it all and knew it to be true.

The author's decision to write the book in reverse chronological order was a little confusing at first and I had almost written it off as a failed attempt to have something a bit unique. But I began to understand the reasons behind it as the story unfolded and we learned the hows and the whys. How many people are guilty of looking at an abusive relationship and thinking "how can you believe that he loves you when he knocks you about?" and "how can that person not realise they deserve better?" That's why this book starts at the end, with the readers at that point where they cannot understand why the protagonist has let it get to this with her boyfriend. Then the story tells you why.

The more I think about it, the more I like this time format. If you start a tale about an abusive relationship at the beginning then you can predict there will be one of two possible conclusions: 1) She leaves him, or 2) She gets so seriously hurt that the story serves as a severe warning to others. But this way, the conclusion is discovering the whats, wheres, hows, whys and wherefores that led to the protagonist accepting violence as just another part of her life.

There were things I didn't like in the novel. I thought sometimes as the story was going backward that there wasn't the smoothest reverse transition between events and I had questions that needed answering. I also wanted a better ending, I thought the protagonist's final decision was a bit sketchy and should have been clearer. Was she leaving him? Because she didn't sound too sure about anything... I wanted finality, rounding up, to be reassured that this destructive relationship was over. If I'm being nit-picky, I thought the author also made a mess of the past scenes with ex-best friend Abby. They could have been a meaningful representation of friendship but they were wasted in cliched phrases and exclamations like:

Did you hear that so-and-so is dating whatshisname?

Eww.

However, my absolute favourite part of this book was another relationship in the novel that I thought was told very well and was incredibly sad, even more so than the main relationship. I don't want to say too much and ruin it for anyone. Apart from the few small things I've mentioned, I thought this was a great book, highly emotional and effective. It also feels like an even shorter read than it is (245 pages) because it has small chapters and you're like "just one more" until suddenly the whole book's gone in one evening. Recommended to those who like young adult books about real life scenarios and relationships. ( )