Kayla Williams

A no-holds-barred memoir about the experiences Sgt. Kayla Williams with the U.S. Army in Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom. An Arabic language specialist, William's MOS was Intelligence, and she spent weeks in the desert as the sole woman in a tightly knit band of men. Male soldiers automatically assume enlisted female soldiers are whores, writes Williams. "Why else would they be there?" is the attitude. Williams struggled to make the men in her unit her buddies, but this was practically impossible. Often, when the stresses of combat got to them, they would demand sex from her as a way of alleviating their fears and frustrations, and when she refused to cooperate, relationships became strained. Her male "buddies" continually pestered her to show them her breasts. Of course she wasn't foolish enough to do that - they then could interpreted her action as "asking for it." Really, its amazing the woman wasn't raped. One time she was forced to report sexual harrassment. The perpetrator was transferred, and some of the others in her unit resented it. Williams also discusses several of her superiors whom she believed were incompetents, and other female soldiers who made classic mistakes in their dealings with their male colleagues. She did bond with several other women soldiers in Iraq whom she liked and respected. Unfortunately, one of her female buddies was given compassionate leave to go home because her husband was very ill, and William's missed her trememdously. Another was assigned to a unit in a different location. Williams deemed few of the female soldiers assigned near Williams worthy of her respect. My guess is that William's desire to make the men her buddies caused other women, who preferred female buddies, to shrug her off. The men, in their turn, did not understand her. Although Williams uses a great deal of casual profanity and may well offend some readers, this appears to be way many enlisted female soldiers talk, perhaps in a subconscious effort to be accepted as one of the boys.… (altro)

Kayla Williams knows how to write, knows how to tell her story. She proved that in her first memoir, LOVE MY RILE MORE THAN YOU, about her experience in the all-volunteer army and her wartime deployment to Iraq as a SIGINT Arabic linguist. I read that book several years ago, when it was new. I have been wondering ever since what happened to Williams afterwards. She is tiny, but tough, and she made it through that army hitch, but not without her own traumas and difficulties.

Well, now I know what happened to her, because here is the sequel, PLENTY OF TIME WHEN WE GET HOME, in which she tells about her post-military years and her often-troubled marriage to Brian McGough, also a veteran, who sustained a shrapnel wound to his brain, leaving him with multiple problems and disorders, including TBI and PTSD, violent mood swings, etc. There is a lot of anger in this narrative, as Williams describes how her husband was treated - or NOT treated - for his war-inflicted wounds by the VA, before he is summarily medically retired with ONLY a 30% disability, despite the fact that he is extremely dysfunctional in multiple ways. Williams is also angry at the way women veterans are often dismissed or not acknowledged for their service, because people often wrongly assume they only serve "behind the lines." She emphasizes that in today's wars there are no front lines, that everyone is in a combat zone.

But it is not just her husband who is damaged from the war, so too is Kayla, suffering from fears and flashbacks. And she also shares that she is perhaps a bit anal, suffering from OCD, which worked pretty well for her in the army, but doesn't work so well in her marriage, causing conflicts which go beyond her husband's injuries. Her predisposition for extreme order and discipline clash with her husband's more casual attitudes toward things like housekeeping and cleanliness. Williams keeps excusing his laxness about these things by citing his TBI, but I kept wondering if part of it might have just been normal guy-slob stuff. That, however, was the least of their problems, as the first few years of their marriage were marked by violent arguments and even physical confrontations, but Williams hung in, sure that she could 'fix' her damaged man. The quarrels and bouts of drunken cruelty and fights sounded to me like an extremely abusive situation, and maybe even a bit of masochism on Williams's part. And the DRINKING! I could not quite believe how long it took for both of them to realize maybe alcohol was exacerbating their problems. But then alcohol consumption has always been an integral part of young men in the military - and, now, young women too, I guess. So ...

But, in the end, I had to admire Williams for sticking it out, because after they have a couple kids, things seem to change for the better. She learns to let go of some of her OCD behavior and Brian begins to progress in his recovery - much of the turnaround seems to be due to the humanizing influences of parenthood.

There are things here which seem to support the recent hoo-hah over the shortcomings of the VA medical system and how it is failing our "Wounded Warriors," but Williams is also quick to point out the things that still work in the VA system. I also have great admiration for the way she continued to further her education (earning a Master's degree at American University) while working full-time and with all the marital problems she was having. Kayla Williams is, if nothing else, an extremely ambitious, focused and disciplined young woman, and for that I applaud her. And I wish her and her family nothing but the best.

The only problem I had with this book is that I thought at times it was a bit repetitive, and wondered if it might have worked better as a feature magazine piece. At the very least, a more astute editor might have shaved fifty or more pages from the final product. But it is still a book that will give you plenty to think about, particularly if you have a daughter who might be considering a career or even a hitch in the military. Before she makes a final decision, give her both of Kayla Williams's books to read. And maybe Debra Dickerson's AN AMERICAN STORY too, while you're at it.

I've already said that Kayla Williams is a good writer. I will continue to recommend her books - BOTH of them.… (altro)