Stanley Turecki

I have a daughter with autism who has had severe behavioral problems in the past. Over the years, many friends and family have come to me when their own children have "acted up" and asked my advice for dealing with certain situations and behaviors, thinking that since I had been through events so severe and profound with my own, I would have words of wisdom to share. I would, and have, recommended Dr. Turecki's book to these individuals without fail. It helped me, when my daughter was just a young girl 20 years ago, realize that she was her own person with her own thoughts, preferences, feelings, questions, etc., - and that they didn't always match mine and I could not "will" them to. And that I could recognize and allow for these differences without sacrificing order and household rules. I believe Dr. Turecki's words helped me find patience to deal with a child who didn't understand the world at large, and to interpret that world for her, and to help her find her way in it. No, it doesn't cure autism, or make your child "normal," and no, it doesn't somehow magically make you, as a parent, "ok" with the idea that your child will always be different. But it gives you a road map to dealing with some of the toughest outward challenges associated with autism, and that goes a long, long way to helping you find your new "normal."… (altro)

My psychiatrist let me borrow this book to help me to figure out how to handle my child because the problems I am having with her are messing with my mind.
She was a baby who wouldn't sleep unless she was held, and by the time she slowly finished her bottle, it was time to begin the next one. So I basically held her all the time. She very often screamed and cried for hours, and we never could find out why. When she started walking she started climbing everything in sight and, as she could undo locks, it was very hard to childproof the house effectively. She could get into so much mischief (and danger!) in 10 minutes, it felt like I had to be awake and have my eyes on her at all times. She hasn't napped since she was 2 (not that I haven't tried!) but that doesn't keep her from staying awake just as long at night.
Now 5 years old, my girl behaves beautifully at school and church, but pretty much everywhere else she is an unpredictable bundle of tantrums, willfulness, violence, rage, and impulsiveness, mixed with incredible sweetness and a loving nature, a great sense of humour, and a creative spirit. In a lot of ways it is like having two different little girls in one. Actually, I often feel like I have a whole pack of kids! But I love her more than anything and she knows it. Her daddy adores her too and it is so sweet to watch them play together.
Despite having me with her always from when she was born until she went to PreK and then again through all of the holidays and such, always playing with her, reading to her, cooking with her, and paying her plenty of attention, she is never satisfied and will do anything to get even more attention. Even break things. Like computers. Because I have to use the bathroom sometime.
Her impulsiveness almost got her killed this summer when she suddenly jumped in front of a speeding SUV in a parking lot. Thank goodness she was holding my hand and somehow I pulled her out of harm's way in time, but I can't forget that moment, ever.
Her behaviour has contributed greatly to my mental problems since her birth, including my need for hospitalization last year. Sometimes at the thought of having to continue being a stay-at-home mom (and I do have to continue--no choice involved here), I would just want to die. Sometimes I still do.
Hence this book.
My first impression of this book is that it is out of date. There are behaviours listed here that clearly fall on the autistic spectrum or would now be classified immediately as ADHD. As I read it, I found that it is also quite sexist and sometimes even condescending towards mothers. It seems to begin with the idea that the mother stays home with the kids and the father goes off to his difficult, exhausting job (do you see my joke there?). It also keeps referring to the mother as the weak parent who gives in to everything while the father wants to come in and lay down the law. It even asks fathers to hold back the mothers when they're wanting to be too placating to their misbehaving children.
Despite all of that, there is actually quite a lot of useful information here. The evaluation was interesting and informative, though I don't know if I like to think of my child as a "mother killer" even if it is nearly true what with both of us nearly dying in childbirth and the suicidal wishes later. I feel like I have a better idea now of what to do to deescalate the situation before it can get to the point of her screaming and hitting, and a better idea of what punishment is more likely to work. I'm probably going to buy my own copy of this book so we can brush up on techniques every now and then.
I liked the way the author brought up the way the primary caregiver is made to feel like dirt for being unable to control their child, and by the child herself. It made me feel a little better to see that I am not alone, that it's not all my fault, that giving her the kind of corporal punishment I received as a child every time I did anything wrong is not the answer (I had kind of figured that out, but hey, having an expert agree is nice!), and that if we can learn to handle things better, she should turn out just fine! Woohoo!
Basically, with kids like this, the normal rules may not apply, though that can be hard to explain to well-meaning relatives. I'm sure mine are going to have fits.
So, if you have a difficult child and you need help, there are much worse places to start than this book. It is definitely the most helpful one I have found so far! Much more relevant for our family than Boundaries with Kids. Don't give up--there really is hope!… (altro)

I cannot recommend this book highly enough! Not only does Dr. Turecki offer practical advice, he offers assurance to the parents of "difficult" children. All children can be difficult at times, but some children are on another playing field altogether. The explanations of tempermental behaviors and how to work with them is superb. I refer to this book often, and have passed it along to teachers and other parents. I have bought the more updated version that is expanded with even more advise than before!… (altro)