Bradley Sands

In short, there's one word that I would use to describe Rico Slade will Fucking Kill You by Bradley Sands: Hillarious! Several times, I found myself laughing out loud during the book. Okay, that's too short of a review, so let me see if I can expand on this.

The novel follows the antics of Chip Johnson, a Hollywood movie actor famous for his role as the action movie character Rico Slade, who has a penchant for ripping out throats. After a particularly stressful day, Chip snaps and comes to believe that he really is Rico Slade, and proceeds to travel around Hollywood kicking everyone's ass whom he sees as an enemy, which pretty much everyone. He does this in pursuit of his (Rico Slade's) archnemesis, Baron Mayhem, played by Chip's former lover George, and all while pursued by his (Chip's) body-hair-obsessed psychologist, Harold Schwartzman, who Chip/Rico keeps mistaking for his (Rico's) sidekick, Joe Pesci. Are you still with me?

The novel skewers the Hollywood stereotypes pretty savagely, from plastic-surgery obsessions, tour buses, traffic jams, and ranting action-movie director Jared Bruckheiny (guess who that's supposed to be). Sands also mock/pays tribute to action movie stereotypes, with repeated, over-the-top martial arts moves, constant explosions, and loud rock music playing in the background. I kind of got the feelings that the author may have had the movie “Last Action Hero" playing in the background while writing this novel, or was at least inspired by it. At the same time, I found myself identifying with Chip in a way. I mean, who hasn't wanted to snap after having a really bad day and go on a rampage through the city? Anyone? Anyone? Just me? I'm not sure if I should be concerned about that.

If I have any complaint, it would be the ending, but it's a big enough complaint to detract a full star and left me a little cold. For obvious reasons, I won't divulge the ending, but suffice to say that it was disappointing in the least. Not surprising, just disappointing.

Overall, though, it's an enjoyable and downright fun read that still gets a recommendation. It's a fun journey, but the destination is ultimately more like Grimsville than the Carribean.

Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You by Bradley Sands earns 4 out of 5 stars.… (altro)

Flash fiction is a weird animal in literature. It can be so short that it doesn't allow meaning to enter into anything unless the author knows what they're doing. Still, in the right hands flash fiction can be a brilliant vehicle to get the point across quickly.

Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy by Bradley Sands is a collection of flash fiction and prose poetry that engages in a lot of experimentation and pushes the boundaries with how far an author can play with the rules before the narrative, even a very brief narrative, falls apart.

To start, you'll notice something right away: Most of these stories are very brief, in some cases being only a short paragraph long. Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy is kind of like Robot Chicken: The Novel (which doesn't exist; it's just a personal dream of mine). You get quick cuts of things that seem to be completely random with an occasional longer story, although nothing that's really that long. From the Pope getting sued to a war that breaks out over greeting cards, this covers everything that has nothing to do with each other and somehow makes them relate. Some stories even have some touching commentary on real-world perspectives, like how a child can see their parent as invincible.

You might notice how above I said that it pushes the boundaries before a narrative falls apart. In this book, Sands walks that line very carefully, and the way he describes everything as though it's the most normal stuff in the world adds to that effect. I found myself almost hearing these stories read to me in a deadpan fashion. While a few of the stories were a little off, none of them actually crosses that lines into total collapse. Some of these stories straight-up shine. It was a really fascinating experience to read this book. There are a lot more gems than stinkers here.

As far as bizarro fiction goes, it definitely qualifies. Believe me, nothing about any of these stories qualify as normal. In fact, that might be a bit of a sticking point for some. While collections of short pieces could be a good introduction for someone into the bizarro genre, I can't recommend this for newbies. Some of this is so bizarre that it would likely leave the uninitiated confused, if not send them straight to the looney bin babbling about Tao Lin with golden eyebrows.

A volume worth your time, this book is recommended but only for those that already have a little bizarro under their belt or might already be unhinged enough the get Sands' special brand of madness, and if you do then please seek help. The small size of the stories make it easy to read and take a break whenever you need to, but the stories may still be too surreal for the uninitiated. And even for the initiated, it's not perfect and not every story will be for everyone. While good, this book is completely non-traditional and experimental, so be warned. Personally, I happen to like more experimental fiction, and even when it doesn't always work, I still respect the author for trying something new.

Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy by Bradley Sands earns 4 ape smoothies out of 5.… (altro)

I 1st encountered Bradley Sands when we friended each other here on GoodReads. I had little or no impression of him. His picture seemed somewhat nondescript. Then I met him in Boulder when I was there to guest lecture & perform at Naropa University. I didn't get much of a chance to meet him there b/c I was so distracted but we did get a chance to talk a little & he seemed enthusiastic & friendly. I still had no idea of what his writing was like.

THEN he sent me this bk c/o my friend Amy Catanzano. I get a fair amt of bks given to me, I don't necessarily expect to like them all. Sometimes I'm a bit worried I won't like them at all & that then I'll be faced w/ writing a negative review since I review every bk I read here on GoodReads & try to always review them honestly. SO, imagine my relief when I started reading this & not only liked it but liked it more & more the more I read it. It's funny, surprising, fairly original (or, at least, I'm unaware of its milieu), & well-written. & he's not a one-trick pony: he explores a variety of techniques.

There're puns galore - such as "peanutbutterfly net". There're lively similes: "His body vibrates like a caffeinated poodle humping its favorite chew toy." Wonderful pun-based plot twists: "He sits on the floor of his bedroom, trying to balance his budget so he can afford a mattress. The window opens and a woman in a scat burglar suit ski-do-be-bops through it. Lost in the realm of her impeccable scatting abilities, she doesn't notice that someone in the room is hyperventilating. She steals the floor and is halfway to the pawnshop before she discovers she's committed a kidnapping. Their eyes meet, go out for dinner and a movie, and REALLY hit it off." All this & more in just the 1st story: "Abridged Version".

The author makes appearances throughout - such as in "Terror in the Haunted House": "Bradley waits until Crispin's skull is one crunch away from shattering before briefing you on his condition" & in "Jared Bruckheiny": "He responds by yelling, "Bradley Sands fall down - take one" and slams his head between the black and white agony of a clapboard."

Other recurrences include things like No Girls Allowed - vodka, a corporation, & a magazine. There're locations like the Humperdumper Yogurtarium and Toilet Paper Boutique; Cheesequake & Moonsylvania. The Encyclopedia Orangutannicas makes at least 2 appearances. All of these contribute to establishing Bradley's alternate universe.

Sands' world is a rollicking grotesquerie full of cartoon violence & what I like to call schizophrenic humor - where the figurative is turned literal & vice-versa. There're probably other writers out there like him, maybe even a whole underground scene, but if there're any better than him at this I'd like to have them called to my attn so I can read their work. The closest writer I can think of at the moment is Rupert Wondlowski, whose work I also like, but I think of Rupert's work as more 'poetic' & Bradley's as more fictional.

Sands' world is like a ghost bus that you had to take home from yr job at the fast food restaurant for kiddies where you had to clean up more puke than you'd ever imagined possible. It was late at nite, you'd fallen asleep on the bus, it'd crashed in a freak accident w/ the entire replacement shift for people going into a similar job. You'd woken up, not realized that you were dead & everyone around you was Bradley Sands in a different form of drag. You wondered where the party was & asked everyone what yr name was but they only laughed at you.

I liked this bk so much that when I was recently fotoed in bed for a "secretly famous" section of a nascent magazine I made sure to be fotoed reading "My Heart Said No, But The Camera Crew Said YES!" May that contribute to a steady stream of new readers for Sands. & may I read more by him. Amen.… (altro)