Jesse Leon

This is most difficult and intense book that I have ever read. There is really nothing wrong with the writing, it is so gut-wrenching that I had to decide whether or not to lay it down and not ever pick it up. I have read memoirs of Holocaust victims and I had never come to that point.

Jesse Leon is the son of poor Mexican-American immigrants. He tells of the huge age difference between his father when married as 60 years and his mother at only 28 years old. His father was very invested in being machismo. Neither parent was literate and that made a difference when he was growing up. Jessie Leon was bright and sent to a magnet school, but he never felt he fit in and endured a lot of bullying. But worst than that he was sexually molested by a gift store owner and threatened by his molester which led to years of continued mistreatment. Feeling numb, he turned to drugs and alcohol. Finally getting free from his abuser, he did not have emotional support, he was to afraid to tell anymore of his sexual confusion and self-enforced guilt. It was like on-going PTSD and fear, he could never truly be safe. The not-fitting in and the absolute horror of his years of being a victim, he had to hide his feelings and not being able to sort out his sexuality.

It was so painful to read that I think many people might not be able to finish the book. This book needed to be written and will help others in similar situations.… (altro)

Jesse Leon is the son of Mexican immigrants, born in 1974 and raised in pre-gentrified San Diego. Always the quiet one, called “nerd” by his brother and friends because he wore glasses, young Jesse preferred to stick close to home, studying and helping his mother in the kitchen. As his academics improved he was transferred to a magnet school.

While he may have taken some bullying for being “the smart kid”, Leon’s young life was on a good track until the day, at age 11, when he was sexually molested in a harrowing encounter and his whole life changed. Threatened that his mother would be killed if he told anyone he had been molested, young Jesse fell under the power of his molester. The abuse continued and grew to include other abusers.

To hide his pain he turned to alcohol and drugs. His life began a slow spiral downwards into addiction and prostitution. Though he finally got free of his abuser, the downward spiral continued through his high school years and into his early adulthood at the local community college.

Leon’s memoir, I’m Not Broken, covers his young life and descent, and how he was able to climb back up and go on to graduate from Harvard. He details his journey to sobriety by way of Narcotics Anonymous, and his struggle to understand and accept his sexual orientation.

Today Jesse Leon is a graduate of the Harvard Kennedy School, with a masters in Public Policy. Since the events covered in his book he’s gone on to have a long and successful career.

This book is a frank and honest recounting that doesn’t shy away from the darkness and pain. It’s all relayed in a rather matter of fact tone, and I found that even when the subject matter was intense that the way it was told somewhat flattened out the impact. I can’t really put my finger on exactly why, but I got the feeling as I read the book that Leon, even as he revealed so much to us as readers, was still trying to hold back and not let us get in over our heads.

The end of the journey is positive and inspiring. Part of the lessons Jesse learned is that he could not climb back up by himself, but instead he needed to allow himself to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to trust that there were others who would help him. And from that he learned to give help in return.

Given the subject matter there are numerous trigger warnings - sexual abuse, suicidal ideation, racism, rape, prostitution, and drug use at a minimum.

This is a relatively short book and was a quick read.

RATING: Three and a Half Stars ⭐⭐⭐🌠

NOTE: I received an advanced copy of this book from Knopf Doubleday and NetGalley, and am voluntarily providing this review. The book is due out on August 23rd, 2022.… (altro)