Kirk Jones (2)

I should review this book with a clearer head, one not blocked up with infected globulous matter, but my own phalanx of phlegm reminded me too much of the final showdown in this story. The main character Gary, a slippery feller composed not of flesh but of his own vitreous humor, is battling Uncle Sam and his murderous shadows for control of the inanimals, which are furniture - desks, chairs, couches, futons - that have been imbued with human souls...

Actually, I won't go on since I don't want to spoil anything, though even if I tried to describe what happened, I don't think I could do a good enough job. USCoCI is bizarro through and through. At its heart, it's a tale of love and dreams and discovering the will within to take control of one's self, and in effect, take control of one's future. But specifically, it's a tale about a dude made of his own tears who discovers a talent for making sentient furniture get it on. They are Copulating Inanimals, after all.

This is a wistful story, marked by a muted whimsy and sprinklings of both philosophical insight and carnal lust between said inanimate objects. Who’d have thought a story about furniture forced to have sex would be so gentle and caring toward its characters?

As for those characters, their physical beings very much matched their internal make up. Gary, the man made of his own tears, is emotional and frail. Uncle Sam, the carnival leader, is a physical representation of capitalism in America run amok, and also a greedy shyster only interested in himself.

Creativity and imagination are in full effect here, though the occaisional head-hopping between characters is a tad distracting, as is the somewhat wooden dialogue. These instances were easily forgotten by hot desk-on-desk love scenes. And really, who wouldn't want to read about that? Who would passs up the chance to imagine couch humping? With their plush, tight cushions, so firm and inviting...

That was the cold medicine talking just now. I swear.… (altro)

Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inanimals. This title alone drew me to this book. The title leads you to believe this could be some mindless drivel, a way for some creeper who locked himself in a closet to get his jollies by writing about fornicating "inanimals".

What are inanimals you may ask youself. Well, inanimals are the PC term for furniture. Yes indeed folks, you will be reading about furniture love. Lint balls on the fabric, change under the cushion, furniture love...more cushion for the pushin....Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. I'm all done with that now...

In all honesty though, there is absolute brilliance behind the deranged appearance. Uncle Sam is literally our good old true, blue American Uncle Sam, and he is touring the country with his media shadows and barf troughs. Along for the ride comes his blind niece, Liberty, and the new star of the carnival, Gary.

If you want to just breeze through this book as a light read and some entertaining visual, please feel free to do so. It is a book that you can sit back and enjoy while sipping your favorite wine (or beer - I guess it may directly relate to if you lean more towards pleather or real leather coverings) on a beautiful spring day. I could also see this book being used in a classroom setting. (An ADULT classroom setting, labia discussions are typically not encouraged in the younger grades.) But the metaphors throughout this entire book are too strong to be ignored for too long and too impressive to throw to the wayside. I even love it down to how Uncle Sam really does feel the need to use a politically correct term for the furniture, giving it a "no inanimal can get its feelings trampled on" name.

So, if you so choose to breeze through it the first time just to say you read a book about humping sofas, please do yourself a favor later on, sink into your most comforting armchair and read it through the second time for content. The American dream and the control Uncle Sam has is lurking in the pages ready to smack you in the face and run before you know what hit you. The storm is following you, ready to suck you in if you do not have the courage to fight it...… (altro)

If you put Charles Dickens’ tendency to heap ignominy and ill-use on his young heroes, Horatio Alger’s optimism for the merits of work and a job well done, a progressive eye for worker rebellion, a chat room of forniphiliacs, and the entirety of Tod Browning’s Freaks in a fast moving caravan and crashed it into an IKEA store, this book would be the result. Truly, this will be high concept. (In the interest of full disclosure, this book doesn’t technically portray forniphilia but that’s as close a phrase as my rudimentary research into sex with furniture revealed. I don’t think there is an exact word for this but if you read the book, I suspect my label will be clear.)

This book really did take some pretty disparate elements and blend then into a relatively smooth book. The plot, as is typical with most bizarro, is quite insane. Gary has led a life of woe. He lost an arm working as a wee boy, only to lose his parents later in a terrible car crash. He also loses a leg and finds himself a beggar. A chance question to a fellow two-limbed man, asking about a potential job, led him to yet another accident in which he is turned into an enormous blob of self-contained vitreous humor. Things happen, as they do, and he becomes a trainer for furniture – animated furniture. Traveling in a carny-style show, a HAARP device keeps the carnival just ahead of the terrible weather that seems to stalk the carnival, and Gary finds he has something of a skill for dealing with the animated furniture. Oh, and the furniture has sex with each other on command and those who watch the performances vomit to show their appreciation, as you do. Gary meets the blind niece of Uncle Sam, a girl called Liberty, and they fall in love but their love is threatened by Uncle Sam’s nefarious activities. The ending is suitably cathartic, restoring order and ending this book of strange combination in a dreamy manner that should not have worked but did. Read my entire review here: http://ireadoddbooks.com/uncle-sams-carnival-of-copulating-inanimals-by-kirk-jon...… (altro)