Rachel S. F. Heller

Great book on how we relate to others based on our attachment styles: Secure, anxious, or avoidant. Super helpful if you've ever had trouble in relationships before, or found yourself unable to figure out why a partner or date behaved a certain way. I picked this book up while trying to figure out my last relationship, and mostly, what I learned from it. I never realized I had an anxious attachment style, and for the most part, my current relationship still flares up my anxiety every now and then, but being with him is bringing me closer to a secure attachment style. And also why, in my last relationship with someone I now recognize as an avoidant, it made my insecurities and anxieties so much worse.

It also talks about the anxious-avoidant "trap" and why they're usually attracted to each other. It explained a lot about why I had such a hard time leaving my last boyfriend, even though I knew he wasn't right for me, early on. Because I kept trying to "fix" his avoidance, making me more and more anxious in the meantime. Now I understand why he was the way he was, and if I were to ever find myself back in the dating pool again, I'd recognize avoidant men and, well, avoid them.

The tips on improving communication with different types was also immensely helpful. The stories of real-life couples made describing and understanding the styles so much easier and more relateable.

But upon reading up more about attachment styles, I noticed there was one style missing, and that was the fearful avoidant. I would have loved it if they included this type of attachment in the book, because some of us do identify that way. Other than that, very well done and recommended for everyone in a relationship or actively seeking one to read this, even if you're secure. It's really handy in learning how we relate to others, and explaining why others may relate to us in a certain way. I honestly think most people, if not everyone, can benefit from this book in some way.… (altro)

While this book seems based on a simplistic view of attachment, with three main types identified: secure, anxious, and avoidant, the authors somehow manages to add depth to these concepts and really make them work. I found it a very revealing read about my own behaviour and the evolution of my marriage through divorce. The book reads well, and swiftly, and I found I couldn't put it down. It led to several very thoughtful days for me and a decision to try and redesign my approach to intimate relationships. Highly recommended.… (altro)