Chris Forhan

(This review was done from reading an advanced copy received from a Goodreads giveaway).

Death. Loss. Grief. Suicide. The list of things that we humans, despite our propensity for words, hide is long. This is at the heart of Chris Forhan's memoir of the life of his father. Like big cities that are built on top of old ground, so too do new generations wipe away the old. From the beginning, though, it is apparent that pain persists, a curse passed down through generations, and I have a whole list of notes where this was evident in the memoir. You learn early on that Chris's father Ed killed himself one day, long after growing up, marrying, surviving war, having children, and gaining employment. He deals with a whole host of difficulties, but why? With suicide, it's easy for us to look back and see the pieces that we missed. Both Ed and his wife came from broken homes, and they became good Catholics, good, upstanding citizens, a model Leave It To Beaver family. But it's never that easy. Ed followed all the rituals and became the man he was supposed to be, but most of all he wasn't expressive.

These are things I have experience in too - losing a father, trying to live up to socially-prescribed traits, keeping feelings a secrets, so this is extra poignant to me. It is evident in Ed and his wife being shamed by being married in a smaller, more secretive location. This is evident in Chris letting his gerbil die because he kept its illness a secret. We all follow the rituals of society, and we are at odds with ourselves and our need for connection. Because of that, because Ed carries the weight of his parents and himself, his marriage begins to dissolve and he ultimately more burden to his children by a sudden death. I'm glad this memoir exists, though. Ed shouldn't be shamed; he should be understood. I'm glad that Chris wrote this, and he has such a balance of poetic description and evidence and mystery about his father's life, because although we've gotten much better at understanding our mistakes, we're still not there yet.

Please, read this and allow yourself to be touched. Choose understanding instead of judgment.… (altro)