Ada Calhoun

I wanted to like this book much more than I did.
It started well and as a Gen X woman initially I really felt seen, but over the course of the book, it started to wear on me. This might not happen for you, but things that irked me were - so much of the book/the anecdotes/the interviews feature motherhood or children. There are a few people she interviews who are single and childfree but it's weighted heavily towards mothers. If you're not one there are whole chunks that you can skip.
It's also incredibly American, the focus here is almost specifically on American Gen X women. While I partook in much of the pop culture that the book mentions it's probably not going to resonate as much if you were born outside of the US.
Mostly what I found troublesome about the book was that it's just a bummer. Where Jeff Gordiner's 'X Saves The World' took all the same bad stuff into account I left that read feeling positive and active. This book felt like a list of complaints and no real recommendations or solutions. I know that it isn't a self-help book but I finished this feeling less positive than I started it.
Probably not exactly what you need in 2020.
Finally, as an entirely personal issue I found the lack of exploration of any possible themes outside society and upbringing (and anything vaguely akin to spiritual) left this book feeling very surface level to me.
Not a bad book, but not for me!
… (altro)

Interesting observations on shared experiences of a generation of women and how these experiences might be influencing an already difficult life stage. Ms Calhoun’s book is about American women and she seems to have talked to a number of them. She describes Gen-X women as one of the most educated and ambitious generation, who expect to have it all but don’t seem to be able to get it as they face many obstacles and receive only little support when compared to women of other generations. The fact that some of these challenges coincide with the disappearance of the middle class in America and the stark differences between the parenting styles and expectations of the Baby Boomers and the Gen-X women are interesting points to consider. Overall, it is an interesting read and brings up many points worth to think about. But there are some important gaps.

First, even though she focuses on the American women, Ms Calhoun leaves out important members of this community: minorities, women of color, and immigrants. Women in these groups share many of the experiences described in the book. But they also face additional hardships, biases, and discriminations at school, at work, at home, and in their social lives.

Second, Ms Calhoun throws in a large number of issues as causes of conflict or stress. While all of these may be important, many are not specific to women or to this generation. It feels as if she has thought about all of these factors, cannot decide herself and wants the reader to see if they are relevant.

And finally, at some point Ms Calhoun starts giving medical advice, specifically on the perimenopausal use of estrogen. She makes it sound as, after talking to a few experts, she has reached the final correct conclusion, that estrogen is safe and it was a mistake to worry about side effects, and her duty is to enlighten all middle age women. Hormonal replacement is a huge topic in medicine and there are some good reasons why the medical community has had longstanding debates. Readers should not view this book as a complete or correct argument on a very important medical topic.

Overall, this book presents an interesting summary about the common challenges faced by Gen-X women and offers a lot to think about, but lacks focus and depth.… (altro)

This book both horrified me and eased some of my anxiety. The fact that so many women are suffering in silence, overwhelmed and frustrated, is absolutely heartbreaking. And yet, that is precisely the situation in which I (a 40-year old woman with a successful business, a wonderful husband, and a 7-year old) find myself. As does every one of my female friends who's of a similar age. I thought it was just us, but after reading Calhoun's book, I have a much better understanding of what's happening and why so many of us find ourselves in this position.

As one of my friends recently said, "I feel like I'm just aimlessly filling my time while I wait for the next person to need something from me." That about sums it up. Calhoun does a great job exploring how we ended up with so many caregiving responsibilities and how our jobs, our relationships, and our high expectations all add to the constant stress of our lives.

I turned the last page with a pit in my stomach. While Calhoun promised a hopeful look at what we can do to shift the tide, I didn't find that here. Instead, I came away with a clearer understanding of why things are the way they are, but no practical solutions. Still, I'm glad I picked this up. At least I know I'm not alone.… (altro)