Confessions of a Gay Priest is a must read if you want a peak into the Church and sexual activities of its principals. I found it compelling. I was hurt by the protagonist's experience as a seminarian and then as a young priest. He eventually left the priesthood, found a young man to be his husband and they were living comfortably in the Northwest. If you are intrigued by the sexual goings on of priests it is a must read, if sad. ( )

Perhaps the title should have warned me off - CONFESSIONS OF A GAY PRIEST. But I was curious about the seminary part, as I attended a Catholic seminary more than sixty years ago, albeit only for one year, as a ninth grader. And I've read a few very good books about seminary life, notably John Cornwell's SEMINARY BOY, Paul Hendrickson's SEMINARY: A SEARCH, or Andrew Krivak's memoir of his years as a Jesuit, A LONG RETREAT. In fiction there is Linden McIntyre's THE BISHOP'S MAN, Ralph McInerney's THE PRIEST, and Brian Payton's HAIL MARY CORNER.

Were there allegations or intimations of sexual abuse and predators in those books. Sure, some. But not like this one. Author Tom Rastrelli is very upfront about his history of being sexually abused, first as a boy by his pediatrician, and later, as a young man, by various priests who were supposed to be his spiritual advisors and/or mentors. He could have said the early abuse led to his choices as a homosexual, but he admits that he was drawn to his own sex from his kindergarten years. So we are inundated with graphic scenes of his gay encounters from high school, college and seminary years, as well as continued, secretive sexual liaisons with deacons and priests during his two years as a priest. Indeed, after one of his counseling sessions with the one priest who maintained professional boundaries, Rastrelli admits himself to be "a seductive, homo priest-sucker." It was during one of his counseling sessions that Rastrelli also realized that he was homophobic. As his counselor explained -

"... many homosexuals were the most homophobic. Thanks to our culture's negative stereotypes, AIDS, and religious condemnations, gays were conditioned to be homophobic. My fear fueled my self-loathing and loneliness …"

So, yeah - the "fear and loathing" thing rears its ugly head throughout Rastrelli's dark and unhappy narrative. And he was not alone. The very priests who abused and judged him were guilty of the same homophobia, although many of them were, like Rastrelli, closeted gays. The author also points out that then-Cardinal Ratzinger led an unsuccessful movement to have gay priests defrocked and removed. Yes, the same Ratzinger who later became Pope Benedict. What Rastrelli exposes here about sexual abuse, pedophiles, closeted gay, homophobic priests and bishops, as well as widespread coverups by the Church is all unquestionably true. It's not news anymore, and, unfortunately, it continues to this day.

But here's the thing. A writer friend of mine once told me that one of the most important elements of a story is having a likable narrator. And, while Rastrelli is a good enough writer, and while I could sympathize with the childhood sexual abuse he endured, I couldn't bring myself to like him. Perhaps it was his own often overly dramatic self-pity, guilt and self-loathing that made him unlikable, I don't know. In any case, as his story progressed, and he failed again and again in his supposed quest for celibacy, and even obsessed over his fellow seminarians, counselors and priests, the book became more and more onerous, repugnant, and a chore to read. The sexual imaginings and encounters were simply too frequent, too graphic, too much. I was glad to come to the end of his story. I suspect CONFESSIONS could become something of a gay-lit classic. But it was not for me. Not recommended. (two and a half stars)

- Tim Bazzett, author of the memoir, BOOKLOVER ( )

Tom Rastrelli’s Confessions of a Gay Priest might just be the most painfully difficult book to read that I’ve finished in my entire life. I realize that sounds like an exaggeration, but believe me, it’s not. And it’s not Rastrelli’s style or writing ability that made this one so hard for me to stomach, it’s what the book is about. The book’s subtitle (A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary) accurately warns readers of what’s inside, but even then I thought I could maintain an emotional detachment while reading it. That did not happen. Instead, I found myself growing angrier and angrier at the Church hierarchy that allowed the things described in Confessions of a Gay Priest to go on for decade after decade. And not only did those at the top, the only people who could have possibly stopped the kind of abuse described by Rastrelli, allow it to continue, they covered up for the criminals in their midst by transferring them from parish to parish or seminary to seminary every time it appeared that the truth was in any danger of being exposed.

This is Tom Rastrelli’s personal story, the story of a rather naïve gay teenager who felt a calling to the priesthood. Rastrelli is a handsome man, and as a young man he was eagerly targeted by an authority figure in his parish church eager to take advantage of his confusion about his sexuality and the role of gay men in the Church. Then, having survived (for the time being at least) that relationship, Rastrelli was immediately targeted by a mentor-priest of authority at the seminary in which he would spend the next four years of his life. These would be four years during which Rastrelli would struggle to live up to the Church’s celibacy requirement while being sexually abused and exploited by some of the very people responsible for his physical and mental well-being as a seminarian.

But somehow, Rastrelli did manage to survive the seminary experience and become a Catholic priest. Probably because he was older and a bit wiser, the new Father Rastrelli began to question the hypocrisy of the church elders and came to the realization that the corruption and cover-up of the predatory sexual nature of some of his fellow priests went all the way to the top – all the way, in fact, to Rome. The lack of support he received from his Archbishop when he exposed what he had witnessed and what happened to him personally, Rastrelli’s desperate cry for help, left him suicidal and on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

Tom Rastrelli’s story is a sad one, and it does not really end well for Rastrelli or the Church even though Rastrelli has now found a second career for himself. Rastrelli ended up a disillusioned man and the Church lost a talented priest. That’s a lose-lose proposition. The thing that still infuriates me (as a lifelong Catholic who has come to feel cheated of his faith in the Church) is the way that the church hierarchy continued/continues to hide the sexual abusers in its ranks, in effect creating thousands of new victims year after year of the kind of abuse that should have been stopped decades and decades ago.

Bottom Line: Nothing in Confessions of a Gay Priest particularly surprised me. What the book did do, is confirm my worst fears and, as a consequence, I sometimes found myself struggling to begin the next chapter. Rastrelli is a frank writer who does not pull any punches here. I hope that the right people read this book and that they are moved to help make sure that this kind of thing is not allowed to happen anymore. But somehow, I doubt that that will happen. ( )